A Little Mish Mash

9 02 2010

1.  I went to put on my favorite pair of black casual shoes over the weekend and noticed the whole sole of them was split open.  I was aggravated, but then I remembered they were about seven years old and I got them at a clearance shop for under twenty dollars, so I guess I got my money’s worth.

2. My crazy mama has no idea what kind of car I drive. To be fair, there aren’t a whole lot of BMWs back home in WV, because a rear wheel drive car just doesn’t make a whole lot of sense. (Particularly after this winter, when they’ve gotten YARDS of snow.) So the other day, I sent a camera phone picture to her friend (“The Black Girl” NeNe) of the car.

That’s real pretty.” she said, “Maybe next time you’ll get a Mercedes.” (the only luxury car brand she even knows exists, I’m sure.) She could have been looking at a picture of a Ford Pinto and not known the difference.

3. I tried out a new place on Saturday night…a lesbian bar. Never been to one of those before. Interesting place. They keep the lights on full strength and play awful music. (Though I must say those lesbians did the Macarena very well.) But it got me thinking….stereotypes exist for a reason. There were so many women there who looked like Joe Dirt, it was almost comical. I mean, of course not everyone fits the stereotype of whatever race, religion, ethnicity they are…but the stereotype comes from somewhere, and it’s because enough people DO fit it for it to perpetuate. I know that’s not politically correct, but damn it, it’s true.

4. A friend of mine tried to lay some motherly guilt on her sassy seven year old. “How would you feel if something happened to me and those were the last words you’d said to me?”  Well, she will never do that again. Hours later, the sensitive little guy asked “If something DID happen, what should I do? Should I walk to a neighbor’s house?” She assured him he didn’t need to worry about anything happening, but, yes, if he ever found himself in an emergency, he could certainly walk to a neighbor’s home for help. “Well should I take the baby with me?” The whole subject must have been heavy on his mind, because he later asked, “So who would take care of us if you weren’t around?” Poor thing tried the ole motherly guilt and just got it heaped back on her.

5. So next Tuesday I’m off to see an endocrinologist to hopefully find out what’s wrong with me. I’ve given up trying to self-diagnose on the interwebs, because I come up with anything from “You’re just crazy” to “Quick! Plan your funeral.” Thanks to everyone for their concern, comments, and emails. Will keep you posted.

6. Are text messaging, twitter, and the internet ruining the English language? An old friend from high school (who I pray doesn’t stumble upon this little  blog) leaves the most unnerving status updates on Facebook. They make my skin crawl to the point that I may just have to “hide” her to keep me from going off the deep end. Some examples of this intelligent, educated woman’s messages: she types “dat” instead of “that”. The number “2″ or “4″ instead of the words “to” and “for”, “d” instead of “the”, “b” instead of “be”, “n” instead of “and”. I want to reach through the screen and strangle her!





Trapped in a Faux Finished Nightmare

1 02 2010

Throughout my junior high and high school days, my crazy mama was “engaged” to a gentleman named “Rogers” (this is not a typo–he went by his last name because his first name was something unfortunately feminine like “Lyndsay” or “Meredith” or “Mary Kate”). Now, Rogers was a nice enough fella. But saccharine sweet and had gotten all of his romantic overtures from browsing the sort of trashy novels that might have Fabio on the cover.

He would hold mom’s hand while they ate. 

“Rogers, I need that hand to cut the steak.”

“Let me cut it for you my queen!”

You get the picture. He was nice, but  he was  just too much. I think the most attractive quality he had, in mother’s eyes, was his house in Florida. In fact, I’m absolutely certain that if he had owned real estate in our little town in West Virginia instead, he wouldn’t have made it past the first date. Mama loves the beach. And she loves to “get away” from her terribly, exhaustingly, mine numbingly stressful life. (Sarcasm intentional.) Now this house was nothing special, small, tract-built, and not even waterfront. But it was in Florida, it was near the beach, and snow had never fallen on it.  An added bonus was that Roger’s company had a small private plane. While mother was not afraid to jump into her Subaru and drive the 14 hours it took to get to the house in Cocoa, Florida, it was much easier to hop on the single-prop six passenger and be there in a few hours. (There is almost no such thing as a commercial flight in the little town I grew up in.) Flying to Cocoa was fun. The little plane was hardly bigger than a car, and we were never higher than the clouds, so we could watch the ground as it passed beneath us. We almost always made a stop at the Podunkabilly Airport in Georgia to refuel. (I think that’s what it was called.) It was a mom-and-pop airport–little more than one hangar and a mobile home with a small control tower built onto one end.

But I digress, because we went to Cocoa by car during the visit in question. My crazy mama (at that time, not quite so crazy and certainly less medicated than the Percocet Princess she is today), my sister, one of my oldest friends and myself. All piled up into the “titty pink” 1990 Subaru Legacy mama had gotten in her last divorce.

Now, let me tell you about the house in Cocoa, Florida. Rogers had built the house with  his previous wife. He got the house, she apparently got all of the furniture. So he had “made do” with some cast offs and bargain finds which gave the house an “Early College” look. He also had pet birds. A big ass maccaw and some sort of other talking tweety thing. So, picture if you will, sitting on a hand me down sofa as this giant bird swoops through the house shreiking “Sunny’s a Good Girl!”  The birds were NOT caged when anyone was home. Nor were they trained to do their bird business in the sunroom or on papers or anywhere else. They would just empty their little feathered rumps wherever the mood struck them.

Rogers had painstakingly landscaped the small property to within an inch of it’s life. I’d only seen pictures of what the gardens looked like when they were new, and they were gorgeous. Beautifully laid out, tropical color everywhere. But, as we all know, plants grow. And grow these did. To the point where it would not have surprised me in the least to see a damned monkey jump out of one of his prized sabal palms. So overgrown was the small lot that you couldn’t walk along the once meandering paths without scraping your arms on foliage. Like it’s keeper, the gardens were just too much. And, as anyone who has been to Florida knows, there are bugs there that can easily carry off a small dog. And, as anyone who knows me can attest, I’d rather be castrated with a pair of dull tin snips than even LOOK at a cockroach. So: jungle-like yard plus Florida plus homeowners who aren’t there often equals bugs.

Then there was the water. Now, many homes in Florida rely on groundwater for their sprinkler systems. Anyone who has been there has undoubtedly noticed the rotten egg smell that comes from the sulfur-rich well water in the area. But, Rogers house  used the well for EVERYTHING. It was, of course, sent through a filtering system, but the faint aroma of rotting eggs remained. So, do you have a good picture of the house in Cocoa? An overgrown, underfurnished, bug filled managerie that smelled like someone had broken wind everytime a faucet was turned on. Pleasant, isn’t it? No, I didn’t think so either. And so, after a few weekends in Cocoa, I swore off EVER going back.

Until spring break of my tenth grade year. With the combination of pressure from mom and my friend (who mom had craftily invited along–no doubt counting on peer pressure to lure me back to the boiled egg birdcage) got to be too much, I agreed to go for the week under the proviso that I would NOT stay at the house in Cocoa. You see, Rogers had a good friend named Phil who had visited us in WV a few times. Phil, it was said, lived in the condo of his snowbird parents. I’d never seen this condo, but I knew that mom and sister girl had been there a few times because they frequently used the pool when they were in Florida. So, I’m not sure whose idea it was, but it was decided that we would all spend the week in Phil’s condo. Fresh water. No birds. And a pool! It sounded much more palatable.

Only, no one told Rogers of our plans. He naturally thought we would all stay at the house. So, we arrived in Florida late that night, I had already implored mother not to reveal that I was the reason we weren’t staying at the house.

Oh, I won’t honey! I’ll think of something to tell  him.”

Well he arrived at the condo, and what she thought to tell him was . “We’re not staying at the house, because he can’t bathe in that water .” Gee thanks, Mom. Rogers was crushed. He left the condo with some comment about “Well, I guess I’ll see you tomorrow if I haven’t gone home and hung myself.”

We kids had a good chuckle, and, nasty little things we were, dreamed up scenarios of poor Rogers hanging from the ceiling-mounted television projector while Sonny the toucan (or whatever she was) pecked out his eyeballs while announcing to the world that she was a “Good Girl.”

Now, as I said, I’d never actually visited Phil’s condo. I assumed, based on mama’s description and the fact that it belonged to someone well-off enough to afford a second home, that it was the sort of condo I was used to vacationing in. But, I was wrong.

Now, to it’s credit, the condo was clean–no bugs, no birds, and the water was free of odor. So, if I had it to do over again, I still would have chosen it. But to say it was a nice place to spend a week is a stretch. The furniture was old. I’m certain that Phil’s parents had furnished the place with leftovers from their Jersey split level. But it was what Phil himself had done to inject some “style” to the place that makes it really memorable. You see, Phil, and a Sam’s Club crate of feather dusters, had faux-painted every single wall in the place. Floor to ceiling splotches of color feather dusted onto white walls. One room was black. One was yellow. One was blue. And the living room was done in rust (a perfect compliment to the plaid rust and orange living room ensemble!). It was dizzying. It was obnoxious. It might have been cute in a bathroom, but a walk through that condo could induce epilepsy.

The first few days of the vacation were fine. We enjoyed being by the pool (which, given that the condo complex was Heaven’s waiting room, we generally had to ourselves), seeing the sites, and being away from the usual routine. But then, a storm front moved down the east coast.

Our home in West Virginia was blanketed with over two feet of snow just a day or two before we were to leave. The governor closed the interstates and declared a state of emergency. Florida was hit with near-hurricane force winds, blowing rain, and frigid temperatures. The storm sent a palm tree into the pool. Gas station canopies toppled over. And we were stuck inside the condo good taste had forgotten.

Our trip to Disney went on as planned, but it was so cold we ended up spending almost all day inside Space Mountain. There was little to do after that but sit inside and watch The Price is Right. We all started to get on each other’s nerves. My friend and I taunted my sister, telling her that her beloved crossed eyed cat had no doubt frozen to death back home, as it was a foregone conclusion that the old neighbors who were caring for him wouldn’t be able to cross a lawn so deeply blanketed with snow. We prepared her that we would return home to find his frozen, lifeless body–little paws stretched toward the door–stuck to the front steps. She cried. We laughed, and poor mama took solace as only she could–we awoke one morning to find her and Phil entangled on the sofa.

To add to my misery, I spent the better part of my young life completely unable to have a bowel movement away from home. I’ve no idea why, I just couldn’t. After six or seven days trapped in Florida, every bite of food I ate was like packing a musket. I was miserable. I implored mom to take my friend and my sister SOMEWHERE, ANYWHERE, so I could just relax for an hour.

In her typically subtle fashion, she did just that, saying “Come on kids, lets go to the outlet mall so he can take a shit.”

Finally, the road home was reopened. I had my bag packed and ready to go, but several people from back home suggested we wait another day or two, because once the sun went down, the melting snow turned to black ice on the roads. Mama took any excuse to stay longer, so wait we did. Finally, my uncle back home said we should be fine to get there, but should take caution after the sun went down. Mom asked us if we were ready to make the trek north. She didn’t have to ask me twice. My sister was anxious to see if her cat had lived. Mom, of course, had no desire to get back  home. So the friend who’d come with us basically had the deciding vote. And the little Judas voted to STAY another day because he didn’t want to miss that night’s episode of “Beverly Hills, 90210.” I was ready to KILL him. And the urge to find a leftover feather duster to use as a murder weapon only became stronger when he announced, just after “90210’s” credits rolled that it had been a rerun!

But, the next morning, finally, we loaded up the Subaru and made the 13 hour trek home, where a bank of snow blocked the driveway, and sister girl’s cat was very much alive and meowing at the front door.





Monday Morning Mish Mash

25 01 2010

1. So a lot of people on Facebook have made old baby/childhood pictures their profile picture. And, in that spirit, that little guy chattering away on the phone is ME. Back when I was cute, blond, and apparently just thrilled to be on the phone. My mom tells a story, from when I was about that same age, of coming into the room to find me chattering away to an elderly man in California whom I had apparently dialed completely by chance.

2. I followed everyone’s advice and went to the doctor…who basically had no clue what was wrong with me, but did a bunch of tests the results of which I should find out this week. Thanks to everyone for their concern, I will keep you posted. While there, I got a prescription for Chantix, which I had some success with before. Brace yourself for the crazy dreams it brings on.

3. The BMW plant tour was pretty awesome! The plant here makes every BMW X5 and BMW X6 in the world (60 percent of which are painted black, I was surprised to find). I was amazed that there would be, say, a red X6 with tan interior and right hand drive, rolling down the line directly behind a blue X5 with black interior and left hand drive. The logisitics of getting the right bits and pieces in the right spot for such a variety of possibilities kind of blew my mind. Unfortunately, photography was not allowed.

4. I got a few songs for my iPod over the weekend, including a few of my favorites from Pink. A few years ago she had a song out called “Most Girls” Now, the lyrics to that song include:

“Most girls want a man with the bling-bling, got my own thing got the ching-ching.” One of the last times I ever recall riding around with my sister, that song came on. The girl gave me a lifetime of laughs with her misunderstood song lyrics…but she was singing at the top of her lungs to that song… “Most girls want a man with a big thing…” It’s funny how little things like that remind you of someone.

5. The blog well has been running dry the past few weeks, but I have a few stories to tell, and you can tell me which one you want to hear first. (I tried to make a poll, but apparently lack the savvy to do so.) At any rate, leave me your choice in the comments:

Throwing up on a Drag Queen’s Pickup Truck

Trapped for a Week in a Faux-finished condo.

or…My first trip to a strip club.





Monday Morning Mish Mash

18 01 2010

1. Most of you know I’m a big fan of home and garden shows. whenever I hear people on “House Hunters” complaining about wallpaper or a paint color they don’t like, I just cringe…”That can be fixed with a bucket of paint and a Saturday afternoon!” I’ve been known to yell at the TV a time or two. But after spending the weekend helping Sweetie strip wallpaper I can almost understand where they are coming from. Now, the previous owners of Sweetie’s mid-century ranch were a pair of old queens, and stereotypes would tell us that the house should have been gorgeous, and decorated to within an inch of it’s life. But, these two fellas didn’t get the decorating gene. (or at least it mutated when they got to the bedrooms–I can’t fault the other rooms.) The master was papered in floral stripes separated from a navy blue texture by a floral border. Probably the height of elegance in 1989, but certainly not what anyone wants to fall asleep under these days. But, nothing a weekend and a bucket of paint can’t fix, right? WRONG! The blue paper came off easily enough–just peel off the face, spray and steam the backing, and it scraped off revealing clean smooth wall beneath. But the top half, clearly a different sort of paper, was like scraping a price tag off. Nightmare!

2. There was a car show in my little town this weekend. Kind of pitiful…many of the luxury brands were missing, and even a few of the non-luxury brands were absent. But American cars were out in full force, and I must admit they have come a long way. The new Buick LaCrosse was gorgeous, the new Ford Taurus was turning heads, even the new Chevy Camaro wasn’t half bad. Chrysler, on the other hand, seems content to keep making cars that only a rental agency could love.

3. And speaking of cars, now that I’m driving around in a fine piece of German engineering, I am moving to the top of my “to do” list a visit to the BMW Zentrum, about a half hour from me. The US factory that builds BMW X5s and X6s is there and features a museum and plant tours. Should be a fun way to spend a few hours!

4. Gotta make a doctor’s appointment this week. A few weeks ago, I felt like I was getting a cold. Ever since, I’ve just felt “off”…a near constant feeling like my body is craving something–a mixture of dizziness and feeling like I’m just starving to death (despite the fact that it gets WORSE if I eat.) Any guesses what’s wrong with me?





I Drive a Hard Bargain

12 01 2010

Yes, I do. I will not give a car dealer one thin dime more than I want. I walked away from the deal on my new car for a matter of less than $1,000. And, as predicted, they called me back the next day. Therefore, gentle readers, I am now driving THIS:

For less than I was paying to drive THIS:

Now, don’t get me wrong, I loved my little Honda (up until the engine blew up two weeks ago). But…this new car is just in a whole other league!





TMI Tuesdays

5 01 2010

It’s time to answer the questions put forth by the folks at TMI Tuesdays! Even if you don’t want to play along, they are always looking for questions over there.

1. A relaxing vacation or an adventurous trip?

I’m gonna go with a relaxing vacation. Not that I am opposed to a little adventure, or wouldn’t mind a day or two of adventure thrown into the midst of a week or three of relaxation, but in my old age I have come to appreciate just being able to relax. Not much better than sleeping in, having leisurely meals, sipping a relaxing beverage or eight in the sun. And speaking of which, check out this little cabin I found for rent not far from me. I think a relaxing getaway may be in order soon:

2. Get a perfect nights sleep or have amazing sex?

I think I’d sleep pretty damn well after some amazing sex. But if Ihad to choose one or the other, amazing sex. Duh.

3. Be intimate with the lights on or off?

a little soft light is fine. I’m not confident enough to be under the full blaze of overhead lighting, but I like to see who  what I’m doing.

4. Your S/O be a terrible kisser who could always make you orgasm or an amazing kisser who could never make you orgasm?

wow that’s a tough one. If I absolutely had to choose, I guess I’d rather have an amazing kisser. I mean, you kiss more often than you have an orgasm, right?

5. Date someone much younger or much older than you?

Age really is a state of mind. I don’t want some vapid young thing who is only concerned with where the next party is, nor do I want some stuffy old fossil who’s gonna sit around popping  a forehead vein worrying about every little thing. (And as you all know, you can have an immature 50 year old or a stuffy 20 year old). So I prefer to date someone who is the same mental age that I am.

Bonus (as in optional): Which reality show would you be good at? Why?

Well, I know which ones I wouldn’t be good at–any of the ones that require me to eat bugs, sleep in the woods, or vie for the attention of a potential suitor with 40 others. Maybe I could be one of the Real Housewives. Just let a camera follow me around and record my boring life.





First Mish Mash of 2010!

4 01 2010

1. So, the Honda dealership somehow managed to get my car back to me after working on it, basically, for two days. This worries me. They replaced 60-some individual parts. I basically  have no confidence in the car I loved now. So, trying really hard to decide if I should just trade it in or not. Test drove a few things over the weekend, including a BMW that I LOVE. Now, I live very near the United States BMW plant. Their employees get some great perks, including dirt cheap use of their products. So I’ve never wanted a BMW because everyone and their cleaning lady here has one. But, damn, this one I have picked out is purty! And drives like a dream. Mmmm…what to do, what to do?

2. Had a great New Year’s weekend. Rang in the new year at a house party, where something called Jim Jones punch nearly got the better of me. An old friend and his partner visited my little town for the weekend, was great catching up and showing them around. We had dinner at a Persian restaurant I’ve been wanting to try. Basically, there was very little on the menu that sounded familiar to me, but I tried a sampling of kabobs that were incredible—particularly something called a Kabob Torsh, which is beef tenderloin in a pomegranite and walnut marinade. Very good stuff! We did some barhopping before and after dinner. Had a great time, though at our last stop the old Honey and the new Sweetie (yes, faithful readers, there is one) came face to face. Awkward for all, but I guess it’s good to have that over with.

3. Had three showings of the Plastic Palace last week, including one who came back for a second look. I smell an offer…and I think 2010 is gonna be a great year so long as work stays steady enough that I can keep a paycheck. Still not seeing anything but the dimmest glimmer of that light at the end of the economic tunnel.

4. There’s no cable at my temporary residence, but my roomie has a huge collection of movies and TV shows on DVD. He has gotten me hooked on “How I Met Your Mother“…I love all the cast members, and the storylines are great–I’d call it the “Friends” of the 2000’s. Anyone else a fan?





2009 In Review

31 12 2009

Stolen from Amanda, feel free to steal it from me!

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

Got a pedicure. Actually got about three of them, but I’d never had one before this year.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

Yes I did. I resolved to reach my goal weight, and at one point I was five pounds under it.

 3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My friends seem to be dropping kids like alley cats lately.

 4. Did anyone close to you die? 

My former honey’s Grandmother passed this summer.

5. What countries did you visit?

just the good ole You Ess of Ay.

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Security.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

August 19th and November 19th. For personal reasons. ;-)

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting through it!

9. What was your biggest failure?

It wasn’t the happiest year, but I don’t feel like I failed at anything. 

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

My little kidney quarry ramped up to full production, but otherwise I was pretty healthy.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I didn’t buy much this year, but buying new pants in a size smaller was pretty dang nice.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

my own. I’m stronger and more resilient than I thought I was.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I think this one goes without saying.

14. Where did most of your money go?

To penis reduction surgery. (just seeing if you all are paying attention)

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

snowtubing last winter!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009? 

Million Dollar Bill by Whitney Houston, thank goodness that girl got off the crack.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you: a) happier or sadder? b) thinner or fatter? c) richer or poorer?

Thinner, richer (not by much), and on the way to being happier.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Wish I’d worked out more. Would be nice going into 2010 with a six pack instead of a two liter.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

smoked cigarettes.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

with my dearest friends and family–just as it’s supposed to be.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

oh look, a puppy:

 

22. What was your favorite tv show?

Dexter

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year? 

I don’t hate anyone.

24. What was the best book you read?

740 Park. The story of New York’s richest apartment building.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Lady Gaga. LOL!

26. What did you want and get?

some really hot sex. (still paying attention?)

27. What did you want and not get?

a raise. I haven’t had one in three years.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

maybe Milk. Or the latest Harry Potter.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

on my actual birthday didn’t do a thing. Enjoyed a nice quiet evening home alone with a pecan pie. For my actual birthday celebration…went to PF Changs for dinner with a big group of friends, then had a final blow out with the old Honey before drinking myself into oblivion.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

winning the lottery.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009? 

the same as it’s always been—Banana Republic clearance rack.

32. What kept you sane?

If it weren’t for the Pirin tablets, I don’t think I could go on.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

None of them interested me much.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

That moose hunting woman from the Arctic Circle.

35. Who did you miss?

depends on the day.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

If I answered that, then you’d know who sent the flowers and massage. ;-)

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009?

Sometimes you have to get everything you want to realize you want the wrong things.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

Don’t stop, make it pop, DJ blow my speakers up!





Mid Week Mish Mash

30 12 2009

1. I decided to rename this category. All too often, my little mish mashes weren’t happening on Monday mornings. So now it’s just the Mish Mash and I can do it whenever I damn well please, thank you very much.

2. So what did Santa bring you? He was very good to me this year. I got a new netbook computer, which will be great to take along when Im traveling, and will keep me from always being glued to my desktop. I got a cool new watch–an automatic “skeleton” watch that shows off its inner workings. And I got pampered. The week of Christmas I had a massage, a manicure, and a pedicure. And I will sleep like a baby in 2010 with my new ridiculously expensive (but purchased on sale) pillow, new pajamas, and a new blanket that is the softest thing I’ve ever felt in my life. I also got the second season of Dexter on DVD. For those of you who don’t watch the show—you MUST. Trust me on this. Start at the beginning and watch…I have stayed up til dawn many a night because I can’t stop watching once I start.

 My new watch.

3. So the Honda dealership called me today with the news that my engine is shot. Luckily, this is still covered by the extended powertrain warranty. (Otherwise I’d be selling a kidney on eBay to pay the almost $7,000 it will cost to repair my car.) While I’m glad that my cost is limited to a rental car (why they wouldnt give me a loaner is beyond me!) and some frustration, I am beyond upset that my two year old car has suffered such a mechanical breakdown. It has always been pampered and maintained above and beyond what is recommended, and Hondas are supposed to go FOREVER. I am seriously considering trading it as soon as I get it back next week.

4. One of my brothers got the Wii game “Just Dance” for Christmas. Basically, a silhouette busts a move to dance hits from the 50s to today, and you must replicate the on screen moves. This made for a Christmas morning full of belly laughs. None of us are known for our dance moves…though I have some vague recollection of some attempted break dancing going on in our kitchen at one of my dad’s birthday parties one year…but it was quite a surprise that Dad got the best score of the morning with his rendition of the Mashed Potato song.

5. Did I mention there were over two feet of snow waiting on me when I got home for Christmas last week? Of course, where I live now, snow is a rarity, so to see two feet was quite a treat for me. My godson and I built a snowman and went snowtubing in it. I always loved playing in the snow when I was a kid, and take every opportunity to do so now that I’m kinda sorta grown up.

6. My crazy mama got sentimental on me Christmas night. After lunch with the family, she and I spent a few hours with one of my best friends from childhood and his family. He and I had managed to miss each other the last few times I’ve been home, so it was good to catch up a little, and mom seemed to enjoy being in the company of other ladies her age. After leaving there, we stopped by another close friend’s house (the mother of my godchildren) so mom could see the kids. For all her nuttiness, she loves kids and old people. Anyhoo…when I dropped her back off, she dug into her cedar chest and gave me a couple of outfits that had been mine as a baby, along with the music box from my nursery and the Volkswagen-shaped cookie jar I loved as a kid. (“Ever had sex in a Volkswagen?” she asked, “I have and let me tell ya, that take some flexibility.”) Upon getting home, I promptly dropped the music box, shattering the figures head into a dozen pieces. I’m just heartbroken over this. I have found someone who specializes in repairing such things, but I just know it will cost a fortune.





Bad Car Karma

29 12 2009

It’s been a bad week for cars for myself and those around me.

On Christmas Eve an old friend from high school posted this pic of what was left of her car following an accident she had on the highway:

Then, on the day after Christmas, my old Honey and my old mother-out-law had a crash in her big ole Lincoln when someone pulled out in front of them:

(not her actual Lincoln. Nobody thought to take a picture of the real crash scene.)

Then, while off with his family for Christmas, a storm sent a tree crashing onto a carport that another friend’s car was parked beneath.

Then last night the bad car Karma caught up to me, when my car started making some horrible noise on the highway. The temperature gauge reached the boiling point, and the heater quit working. No word yet on how bad the damage is, but there wasn’t a drop of coolant in the reservoir, so I fear the worst.