Iona’s Gettin’ On In Years

13 05 2013

I turned 56 years old today. But I had a feller at the grocery store the other day guess my age as 35. He wouldn’t believe it when I told him I had a son that old. Wouldn’t believe it! It’s because I take care of my skin…I rub down with olive oil before I lay out in the sun…that gives you good moisturizer. I was telling my son they ought to do that and get a good base tan going before they go to the Bahamas next month. He said they was plannin’ on wearing SPF 50. I cain’t figure out  how they expect to come home brown if they do that. He said what they expected was not to be covered in liver spots by age 50.

Anyway, my son called and sang Happy Birthday to me. He wanted to know what I had planned today, and I told him I was gonna take me a nap. Im plumb wore out. He asked why Rusty didn’t plan nothing, and I told him, it’s same excuse as always, Rusty don’t plan anything but an evening with his best friend Jack Daniels. My therapist says I need to work on my self esteem so I can get me a no-drinkin’, dick workin’ husband. That’s his exact words. Then he asked me out on a date. My son said that’s a violation of ethics. These damn HIPPA laws.

I got a birthday card waiting on me at my moms house. I get my mail up there cause I don’t want Rusty knowin’ my business. I guess I’ll get somebody to take me up there and get it. I ain’t had a driver’s license in over six months now. Somebody musta stole mine. They want a copy of my birth certificate to replace it, and I ain’t made it up to the court house yet for that. Cain’t get nobody to help you nowdays. And now the tags on that car are expired, so it’s gonna take some time to get on the road again. But I’ll get there.

Seems like my son’s better half woulda sent me a dozen roses or something for my birthday. I told my boy that and he asked why on Earth they ought to send TWO gifts. I told him…”Cause I had ya!” I mean, duh.

Well I better go lay down. Somebody’s cuttin the grass out here at the trailer park, and my allergies is actin’ up.




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