Now before I was married to Rusty, I used to see this feller named Timmy. It was right before I was married to my third husband Dub, Lord rest his soul, and also right after me and Dub got divorced, but before we moved back in together, so I reckon it was about ten years ago. Timmy was a good guy, me and him went down to visit my son in South Carolina once, and I sat with his mama a few times but it was really too much for me. Well I heard it through the grapevine that Timmy had him a new woman and that got me thinkin’.
Back when we was together the first time, Timmy talked me into taking some sexy pictures in my lingerie. And I thought, Lord if he’s got a new woman, I don’t want him jackin’ off to my pictures, so I called him up and told him he needed to mail those back to me. I don’t guess I thought it out to good. See, I get my mail up to my mothers house. Out here in the trailer park, you gotta worry that somebody will get in the mailbox on food stamp day, and I only get a little bit of help anyway, so I need to make sure it comes to me and not one of these pillheads that live out here. Anyway, Timmy sent ’em registered mail, which I thought was real nice of him, but my mama had to sign for ’em, and she’s gettin’ on in years, so I guess she thought it was something for her. Next thing I know she was on the phone blessin me out cause she said she didn’t raise me like that. I said “Mother it ain’t like I had my twat hangin’ out! Girls wear less than that to the beach nowdays”
I called my son to warn him, and he couldn’t understand why I’d asked for ’em back after all these years. But just imagine if Timmy’s new woman had found ’em? How disrespectful that woulda been. He said if anything I shoulda just told Timmy to burn ’em…but I don’t trust him to do it. And besides, I was hopin’ there might be one in there that was good to put up on Facebook.