Mama Joins Facebook

23 04 2013

I mentioned a few posts back that Mama was joining Facebook. I set her up with an account right after Christmas, when she announced that she finally had a phone that would allow it.

I tried to walk her through the ins and outs of the site. And have continued to try. It’s like nailing Jello to a wall.

Status messages? My instructions were that the status message was a place to share whatever was on her mind, or what she was up to. While most of her status messages are a single capital letter (butt dialing? was she trying for a complete thought? Is it an homage to Sesame Street? “Today’s status message brought to you by the letter K”), she manages whole words sometimes. But seldom more than one.

Some sample status messages: (take directly from her Facebook page)

“SEX”

“LAUGTER”

“SUNSHINE”

“L”

S”

“LIFE”

“beauty and beast” (she apparently found the caps lock button that one day.

“WEST VA GALS ARETHE GREATEST IN THE WORLD”

“T”

“*insert name of ex-husband, ex-boyfriend, estranged family member, dead relative here*”

“I ASK WHERE ARE YOUR FAMILY AND FRIENDS WHEN YOU NEED THEM MOST” (we’re all right here, we just didn’t bring our checkbooks.)

“GOOD FOOD AND A GENTLEMAN I AM A LADY”

You get the idea. Usually she will post the same status, or some variant of it, three or four times a day.

But not quite grasping the concept of a status message isn’t the only fun she’s having on Facebook. Apparently, she sends out lots of friend requests. LOTS. To people she doesn’t know. I still have the password to her account, and three times now, she’s gotten a Facebook spanking and been banned from sending friend requests because she sends them out to people she doesn’t know.

Then there are the messages. The woman has absolutely nothing to talk about. The messages are simply “keep me in your prayers” if its someone she thinks she can elicit a little pity from, “I LOVE YOU” to anyone else, or if it’s a man she considers a fit candidate for husband number four, it might devolve into horror. As was the case with her exchange with one gentlemen, whom she would pepper with “mmm you look mighty fine” or “i can tell theres never a dull moment with you”  (after he returned her “hi” twice–doesn’t take much to shake things up for Mama I guess.) If more than twenty minutes passed (remember, the concept of being at work is foreign to her), the poor fella would get a “haven’t heard back from ya” message.

And finally there are the pictures. Mama’s trailer park cohort took some unflattering photos in an attempt to show mama the importance of putting on proper undergarments before leaving the trailer. Mama asked her to put them on Facebook. So there she is, on the interwebs, with one noticeably larger boob running left, and the runty other one trailing to the right, glassy eyed, in a pair of sweat pants for all the world to see.

Delivah me.

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4 responses

23 04 2013
Kim Williams

I love to read your articles. They always seem to make me laugh when I really needed one. Thanks for still writing 🙂

23 04 2013
crochetycrochetlady

I see that she doesn’t have auto correct, that could be a good thing….

23 04 2013
The Incredible Woody

I really think I need to be her FB friend 🙂

7 05 2013
The Vinyl Villager

Well, you will have to send her a friend request! I hear shes banned from doing it for the next month.

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