A Conversation With Mother, Weed, Ashes, and the Kentucky Derby

4 12 2012

Mother placed her third call of the day to me just as I was coming in from lunch.

Whatcha doin?”

“Same as before. Working. What are you doing?”

“Sittin out here with Delores smoking me a cigarette and about to smoke some weed.”

“I bought a tie dyed dress like they used to wear in the 60s. And a sweater dress with tights…”

“Like they used to wear in the 80s.” I added

Well what should I buy?”

“Nothing. But certainly no more sweater dresses.”

“I’ve got some nice ones.”

“Then you don’t need anymore.”

“Can I keep these? Some of ’ems got sentimental value.”

“What sentimental value?” I never should have asked.

“Well if you wanna know the truth. Scott (an ex boyfriend) and I came home from a party and he unwrapped me like a Christmas present. You remember that blue couch? Right there! I can just tell you the truth now. And once he had me nekkid he unzipped his pants and let that thing fall out and I thought I had won the Kentucky Derby! I went down on it and then went to town on it!”

“Jesus Christ.”

“I wish I’d loved the rest of ‘im like I loved that dick. You know he died the same day as yer sister dontcha?”

“Yes.”

“His ashes are down in Ashland Kentucky. I’d like to have a sprinkle of ’em.”

“Well I doubt his wife would part with them.”

“I don’t see why not.”

“Really? She’d tell you to take a hike.”

“Well I know how to hike. I grew up in the hills. She couldn’t say nothin’ I’ve got pictures to prove me and him was together.”

“So? She still wouldn’t give you his ashes.”

 

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2 responses

4 12 2012
Jeff McCoy

Ewww Ewww and Ewww!!!!!!!!!!

16 12 2012
The Incredible Woody

Apparently Scott had quite the candy cane 😉

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