Darling and I made a pilgrimage to West Virginia last week, and other than two hours being added to our trip by traffic, it was a great time. We spent most of our time there with dads side of the family, but couldn’t leave the state without stopping by to see Mama.
I’ve always spent Thanksgiving with my dad, even as a tyke. Its just not a big family get together the way Christmas is with Mama’s people. Granny will join whichever Aunt and Uncle happens to cook a bird, and everyone is always invited, but it just seems that a few couples are traveling, or off with their other family for that particular holiday. Anyhoo…I had not seen Mama since last Christmas, and Darling hadn’t seen her in two years. (she had the migraine/diahrea/flu/cramps/hot flashes that seem to beset her every holiday, so I didnt bother seeing her last Thanksgiving)
Mama has still been staying, most of the time, with Granny, so thats where we saw her. God bless her, she has gained 30 lbs since last year. And has not bothered to notice that her clothes no longer fit. (I know Im partially responsible for some of those stretch marks, but for the love of God I dont want to see them poking out from the bottom of a ruffled tank top.)
Mama pulled two new garments out for my opinion. Its hard to say what either one was. Maybe too long to be a shirt, but not long enough to be a dress. Granny was just as confused as I was. “Is that a top or a dress?”
“I think its a dress” she said, holding the leopard print one up to herself. She’d have needed two hair dos to wear it as one, and Granny pointed out that she would need to wear slacks with it.
“Maybe some stirrup pants?” Mama has never let go of the fact that the long top with stirrup pants look went out in 1986.
“Stirrup pants are not the answer.”
“Well girls are wearin’ em short now!”
“Well whats in style now?”
“I dont know. Nothing tight. Nothing animal print. Nothing with ruffles.”
“When are you taking me home with ya?”
Im pretty sure all the color left Darlings face for that one.
“Never.” I said candidly.
“Never? Your aunts seen you more than I have this year!”
“Yes, never. She drives herself down and drives herself back like any normal person. I’ve told you already, I’m not going to be responsible for hauling you back and forth.”
“I’ll just get me a greyhound ticket then!”
“Make sure you have a return ticket purchased for two or three days later.”
“Two or three days? Is that all?”
“Yes, we have jobs to go to and companies to run, I dont want company for weeks on end.” (at least not if its you, I thought but respectfully didnt say aloud)
Thankfully that was the end of that. For some time, I tried to get Mama to think we lived in a studio apartment, but one of my relatives saw our house on Facebook and spoiled that ruse. The truth is, we dont think she would leave. We have three extra bedrooms, and prying her out of one of them would probably require an eviction notice.