Any Friend of Mama’s….

22 07 2012

As you might imagine, mama doesn’t have many friends. In fact, the only friend that I’ve ever known her to have for more than a year or so died a while back of an overdose of prescription pills. They were two peas in a pod, working the “system” however they could, never doing an honest days work in their lives, but inexplicably playing the martyr.

I’d heard Mama speak over the past few years of “the black girl NeeNee.” (As in, “When I’m gone, I want you to give the black girl NeeNee all my bath and body works stuff.” Or “I went over to the black girl NeeNee’s house.”) Poor NeeNee’s name is ALWAYS preceded by “the black girl” despite the fact that she is a middle aged grandmother.

More recently, Mama has mentioned “Delores”, a resident of the trailer park where she and Kenny shack up. From what I can gather about Delores, she doesn’t work, has an alcoholic husband (or boyfriend or baby daddy or whatever), and smokes weed. I can see why she and Mama have gotten along.

In the past few months, both the black girl NeNe and Delores have found me on Facebook. NeNe, for her part, seems fairly normal, even if she does have the spelling and diction of a 12 year old girl. (does it really save that much time to type “da” instead of “the”?  As in “bout to hit da bed” I remain disturbed about by the purposeful butchering of the English language.

Delores, on the other hand, will fill up my newsfeed with every “missing child”,those nonsense “Facebook will pay for this babys cancer treatment if we get 1,000,000 “likes”” and statuses like “he said I mean more to him than the booze, lets hope he means it this time.” (I always wonder why she sticks around when, a few days later, the status is about him stumbling home…but that’s a Dr. Phil episode for another time.)

Mama’s friendships don’t last long because, unlike her family that’s stuck with her, friends can walk away when she doesn’t keep her word, lies, uses them, or just goes a little bat shit crazy. Called out on her nonsense, Mama will just walk out on a friendship rather than face her own faults. Example..NeeNee’s mother recently passed away. Mama shared a few weeks later that NeeNee was angry that Mama hadn’t come to the service, sent flowers, a card or anything. An understandable expectation on NeeNees part. But Mama simply can’t go to a funeral (unless of course there’s a chance that she can make herself a spectacle–remember when her ex father in law passed?) because “she’s grieving”. Now Mama claimed she sent a tray of meats from the Butcher Block, but it never showed up. (An outright lie, she likewise sent a tray of meat that never showed up to a friend of mine’s house when her father died last fall.) Rather than face any responsibility for her shortcomings, Mama basically just stopped talking to NeeNee. And also failed to return a pair of flip flops that NeeNee had loaned her (this I know because NeeNee sent me a message on facebook asking if I might interject on her behalf. To her credit, the poor thing seemed more upset over the lost friendship than the shoes.)

Now Im just waiting for Delores to realize that Mama is a selfish and unreliable friend so I can be on the receiving end of some more trailer park drama.

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23 07 2012
The Incredible Woody

“Now iAinn Tryna Pick A Fight With You, Im Tryna Talk. & iAinn Tryna Spend Tha Night With You, Im Kinda Lost. See, iBeen Givin It Some Thought Latley & Frankly Im Feelin Like We Ainn Ready In This.”

The latest ‘thug speech’ Facebook status update by my step-niece. Yes, we are all very proud of the fine young lady she is turning out to be……

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