She’s Free, She’s Free! God help us, she’s free

12 06 2012

My phone lit up with three calls in a row from my grandmother’s number while I was in a meeting. I figured something might be wrong, so I answered the third call.

On the other end was mama.

Free from the loony bin, and actually sounding halfway sane. (I should have asked what all she was on, and note the dosages.)

I hurried her off the phone to get back to that foreign thing called a job, but was able to suss out the following:

Pre-loony bin, she had cancelled all of her doctors appointments so she could spend vacation with Kenny at the river trailer. (Why she couldnt leave the river trailer and drive thirty minutes back to town is a mystery for the ages.) At any rate, these missed doctors appointments meant she “ran out of her medicine.” The smart money here is betting that she might just have taken a wee bit more than presribed and thus ran out before refill time.

She’s somehow moving her modular mansion to the same mobile home park where she shacks up with Kenny. Whether she has found some government program to pay for this, rooked my poor grandmother out of it, or happened to meet a trailer mover in the hospital whom she could pay in trade is unknown to me, but you can be assured the trailer is not being moved by any respectable means.

Contributing to her time in the loony bin, in addition to the aforementioned missed dosages, was her experimentation with “synthetic marijuana.”  She’ll stick to the real deal from now on, thank you.

Now, some predictions. Whatever arrangements she’s made to move her house will be dragged out ad nauseum. She will be “worn out” trying to empty it for the move. (Read: she will fill one box, and have to take two days off.) Months will pass before the move is made, if it ever happens at all.

In the meantime, she is staying with my grandmother. Now, I predict she will claim that her precense at Granny’s is absolutely required, and she will never leave until one of her siblings forces her out, or she drives Granny completely bonkers.

Stay tuned, kids, and mark my words, that this will get ugly.

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