My loyal readers, all three of you, are doubtless wondering what Mama has been up to these days.
Well, let me tell ya.
Mama is now a certified Mary Kay consultant. I wish her the best with it, and applaud her efforts to do SOMETHING other than sit at home and look for government programs to bilk. (Speaking of which, she plans to use her gubment provided cell phone for “business purposes”. Don’t get me started on those free cell phones…)
Now, despite the fact that this time last year Mama was told her days on her property were numbered, not only has she done NOTHING toward moving her modular mansion off the property, but she has ordered herself a storage building to be delivered there–adding a second structure that will need to be moved in the foreseeable future.
Mama says she “is going home” once the building is delivered and she can “clean this place up.” I’ve told her a dozen times that she doesnt need to move her crap into storage, she needs to throw it away or donate it. Why move a pile of clothes that you havent worn in a decade into a building where they will just mildew? It baffles the mind.
In light of last years traumatic and expensive break-in, the good folks at the insurance company did themselves a solid and declined to re-insure mama. Subsequent insurers have required she install a burglar alarm, so her new building and her 3-bedroom garbage bin are all being fitted with the finest system ADT can offer. Let’s place wagers on how many false alarms there are.
Mama also adopted a dog. But she left it at her house. Where she hasn’t lived in well over a year. She and Kenny would go out there every day or two and feed the pooch, but otherwise it was just on its own. And she sounded genuinely shocked when the dog ran away. “Dogs is just like men–when they get horny, they leave.” No use explaining to her that dogs are pack animals and don’t like being alone–the dog left because it was horny.
But the kicker is that Mama, as usual, is down for the count. Saturday night, she and Kenny stopped off on the way back to the mobile home court and got a bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken. Being that “there aint nothin better than cold chicken” Mama got up in the middle of the night for a little snack. And promptly choked “near to death” on a chicken bone. And now, three days later, the experience has left her so sore and tired that she didn’t think she’d be able to get a thing done today–THREE days after the choking experience. It would almost seem ridiculous until you remind yourself that this is the woman who needs two days to rest after going to the grocery store.