New Carols for the Mentally Ill

19 12 2011

Well, Mama spent a few weeks in the nuthouse recently. I think she must have one of those timeshares, because she goes back to the same one for a week or two every year. Apparently, the ambulance (who Mama has on speed dial) took her to the hospital with “blood pressure so high she was about to stroke out”.

They determined it was due to anxiety and depression. (No doubt brought on by her high pressure life. The poor thing just needs a break! Won’t anybody help her??) They gave her some new mood stablizers, a little something for anxiety, and, since surgery seems to risky, something stronger for the pain in her back. (Pain stemming, apparently, from when she broke her tailbone 30 years ago.) Mmmmkay, Christmas ought to be interesting. Though, of course, it’s time to lay odds as to which malady she will come up with on Christmas morning so as not to have to attend any family functions. 3 to 1 she’ll go with the old “migraine” standby, but diahrea has good odds too.

Anyhoo…they taught Mama some new carols at the Appalachian Mental Resort and Spa that I thought you all might enjoy:

1. Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear? *

2. Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Kings Disoriented Are … *

3. Dementia — I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas *

4. Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me *

5. Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and… Trees and….. *

6. Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me *

7. Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire *

8. Personality Disorder — You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why *

9. Attention Deficit Disorder — Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy – can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away? *

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder — Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

Which one will you be singing?




5 responses

25 12 2011
The Girl from the Ghetto

Oh, this post is awesome TPB.

I’d be #9, for sure. Recently had myself tested for crazy, and ADHD was the only diagnosis. Go figure, lol!

25 12 2011
The Girl from the Ghetto

Whoops, I put TPB when I meant VV. I’m reading both of your blogs at the same time. See, I really do have ADHD!

31 12 2011
Cookie Parker

I hope your holidays went well, and that your new year is your best ever!!!

2 01 2012

Oh, these are really, really good. I think I managed to get through the holidays without too much of any craziness. Athough I did witness a lot of dementia.

4 01 2012
The Vinyl Villager

GfromtheG…no worries, TPB and I shared some of our crazy Christmas with each other!
Cookie, they were wonderful this year! Hope yours were as well.
Jason…despite the fact that they upper her meds, mama was no crazier than usual, and everyone else was at their usual level of dysfunction. All in all, a good year!

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