Crazy, With A 70 Percent Chance of Completely Nuts

20 07 2011

If you’ll recall, I not long ago predicted that my crazy mama would fritter away her recently acquired insurance windfall. I outlined the reasons she needs to move, and have encouraged her every step of the way to make moving her priority. But, as predicted she has not done that.

It turns out that the single mobile home mover mom has called wants around $10,000 to move Mama’s mobile manor from the 7.5 acres it currently sits on to a more maintenance-ready and neighborly mobile home park. That’s a hard number for someone of Mama’s means to swallow, but remember, she has recently gotten $20,500 because those burglars broke in and stole “ever damn thing” including, of course, the fruit cocktail.

Mama called this morning saying that her family was the “weirdest damn bunch she ever met.” When I asked her why, it was “Won’t nobody help me move, I’m only $4,000 short and you’d think it was 4 million.”

“It isn’t their job to help you move, mother.”

“I know, but they’re the strangest bunch I ever did see.” Yes, it’s quite odd that no one will pony up 4 grand of their hard earned money when she has apparently frittered away her windfall in the span of two months. Odd indeed.

Well mother you ought to have the money to do it, and besides, you should get more than one quote.”

“I had to get me a new car, your uncle even said it was a matter of time for that other one blew up. And a refrigerator.”

“How much was that car?”

Well with taxes and all, about 7 thousand.”

“And I know your refrigerator was 800. That comes out to 8 grand. If you’re four grand short, it means you only have $6,000 left. What happened to the other $6,000?”

“They add on taxes and license when you buy a car up here.”

“Yeah, and you just said with all that it was about $7,000. So what did you spend the other $6,000 on is my question.”

“All I’ve bought was that car and the refrigetor.”

“Well did the rest of it evaporate, because by my math you ought to have 12 grand left?”

“Well I had to buy that waterline that connects the icemaker. It nickles and dimes you to buy anything.”

“Well there’s 12 more dollars we can account for then.”

“And had to catch up my utilities.”

“Well those should be next to nothing since you haven’t lived there since Thanksgiving.”

“Well it’s been hotter’n hell up here, that air conditioner has run non-stop!”

I’m sure your collection of angel dolls appreciated being kept cool, but if you aren’t there you ought to have the air off.”

“I’ve been back out here a week now.”

“What does that have to do with the old bills? Jesus! Ya know what, I don’t care what you did with it. The point is you did not make moving a priority like I told you to. Like everyone told you to.”

“I didn’t realize it was gonna cost that much!”

“You should have found out before you spent one red cent!”

“I had to have me a car!”

“For what?? Your old one sat in Kenny’s driveway for six months!”

It needed some work did to it!”

Well, if a car is more important than moving, you can live in the car. Don’t expect the world to bale you out of your own bad choices.”

“I don’t!”  Hmm, really? Because didn’t this whole conversation start because no one would give you 4 grand more?

“OK, well make some calls and find someone who can move it for less then. Have you done that?”

“No, they’s closed on Sun-dees.”

“It is Wednesday!!”

Well look on your computer for me….”

“No, because I gave you three numbers two weeks ago and you said they were all disconnected. New ones have not magically appeared.”

“I guess I can get out the phone book if them bastards didn’t steal that too. Oh, I’m gettin another call. Mommy loves you!”




2 responses

31 07 2011

I love crazy mama. I think I say that every time I comment! I’m not sure I would like for my mama to be crazy, but I love that I can enjoy yours. I had a crazy uncle once. He was hilarious and sad all at the same time. If you didn’t laugh you would cry. Thanks for sharing.

1 08 2011
The Vinyl Villager

Im glad you like her…seems the crazy well is never gonna run dry!

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