The weather folks are predicting snow here in my little southern town this weekend. The system is right to dump up to twelve inches on us. While much of the country would see that much snow as a flurry, it is a very big deal here. Two inches of snow will leave every school, church, and day care center closed for a week here. Twelve inches, we may as well evacuate.
There will be no bread or milk to be found by this time tomorrow. I always wondered why those two staples were so popular when snow comes. What do people do, bundle up with a nice milk sandwich? My own list of snowtime must-haves is much more practical.
Vodka. Time flies when you’re drunk. Plus, it will keep you warm.
Cigarettes. Yes, I’m supposed to be quitting again. So I won’t buy any this time, but who wants to be stuck inside the house without nicotine.
Condoms. You have to do something to pass the time, right?
A stack of books. Again, you have to have something to do to pass the time. And an erection lasting more than four hours is dangerous.
A full DVR. May as well get caught up on Judge Judy, right?
Swimming trunks. Once the vodka kicks in, sitting in the hot tub while the snow falls is kinda nice. And it could lead to using the condoms.
Frozen Pizzas. Pizza is the ultimate comfort food, isn’t it?
The Most Current Version of “Angry Birds” This app is absolutely addictive. If you have an iphone, ipad, or ipod touch, go get it NOW.
A folder of entertaining websites. Might I suggest: www.failbook.com, www.lamebook.com, or www.damnyouautocrrect.com (which had Darling and I laughing so hard last night that our stomach muscles are hurting this morning.
So, what’s on your “snowed in” essentials list??