Brain Sprinkles

13 12 2010

I’ve seen an alarming number of cars and trucks the past week that have a big set of plastic testicles hanging from the rear bumper. I thought that “fad” was over and done with. My personal view is that anyone who has to hang a giant set of genitals from their car probably doesn’t have a giant set hanging in their pants.

Speaking of which…one of the doctors in the urology practice I’m a patient of is named “Woody Long”…no joke. His only career paths with a name like that were urologist or porn star.

“Everyone thinks their opinion matters. Don’t argue with a nobody. A farmer doesn’t bother telling a pig his breath smells like $hit.”  There’s wisdom in that quote. Absorb it!

Is there one less weekend between Thanksgiving and Christmas this year? I swear there must be.

 Wysteria Lane, of Desperate Housewives fame, pretends to be a lovely neighborhood. It has been home to doctors, lawyers, dentists, and successful executives. The homes are large and nicely designed, with well manicured lawns. One would think it was an upscale area. But exactly how many murders have been committed there? Plus kidnappings, rapes, assaults, and untold amounts of sexual immorality. I think the crime rate there has got to outshine even the most hardened ghetto.

Why does anyone like Justin Bieber?

Is there something in one’s diet that makes hair and nails grow faster? My hair is out of control a full week before it should need cut, and my nails look like they need to be painted if I don’t cut them every four or five days.

I read that “Hey Soul Sister” was the top selling song on iTunes for 2010. It makes my skin crawl. It should have been “California Gurls” by Katy Perry.

I had my office Christmas party last Friday. I’d warned Darling NOT to compliment my boss’ impressive collection of Japanese porcelains. (The Boss Man gets looooooonnnnnnng winded when discussing his art collection) As we were leaving, it was somehow revealed that Darling hadn’t gotten the tour of the whole house. And so off we went. AN HOUR, I am not joking, an HOUR later we had only gotten through the second floor of the house when Boss Man was distracted bidding other guests adieu and we were able to make our exit. The second floor has two bedrooms, a den, and two baths. We would probably still be there if we had gotten the tour of the first floor.

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3 responses

13 12 2010
Darling

What did you take when I left for Florida???? And save some for me when I return!

13 12 2010
The Vinyl Villager

It’s probably hypothermia-related dymentia!

13 12 2010
dawtch

Around here, the “ritzy” areas – you know, where the $300,000 + houses are..? Is also where the crack houses, rapists, murders & prostitution rings are most active…none for me, thanks…

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