Vote For Me! The Tranny Sexual Harasser With a Drinking Problem

2 11 2010

Unless you live under a rock, you’ve noticed the particularly nasty political tone this election season. One would be hard pressed to know where any candidate really stands, since the ads this year have been almost completely the sort that do nothing but point out how bad the opponent is.

It got me thinking…in this digital world, where party pictures are on Facebook before the hangover is even cured, where bloggers can say whatever they want, where it’s quite possible that all of us leave some digital trail of what we’ve done in any given day–what kind of person could possibly run for office  without giving a sensationalist opponent’s campaign manager attack-ad gold if they dug hard enough? We’ve seen some of that this year–the “witch” who’s running for Congress, another candidate was smeared because of some “scandalous” photos of her at a Halloween party with her husband on a leash.

So I was thinking, if I ran for Congress, or County Council, or Chief Dog Catcher, what might a muckraking opponent have on me? Well…there was my Halloween costume a few years back. It would sure strike fear into the minds of conservative voters: “Do we really want someone who is confused about their own gender making decisions for us?”

If they go wayyyy back, they might come across this fairly innocent baby picture:

Awww, how cute, right? But…to a clever campaign manager, it’s “The Vinyl Villager was once photographed in bed…with HIS OWN COUSIN!”

Or snapshots from my trip to Key West a few years ago…funny tourist shot or “Shocking Evidence of The Vinyl Villager’s secret battle with alcohol?”

And those harmless “Yearbook Yourself” pictures? “The Villager has a history of racial insensitivity.”

And, of course, the snapshots I took at my Halloween party of “Dolly Parton”? Naturally, the campaign manager would turn that into “The Vinyl Villager snapped lacivious photos of unsuspecting women. Is this who you want speaking for your daughter?”

Oh, and the costume I wore to the same party? “The Villager’s dabbling in witchcraft is an affront to our Christian values!”

So, I don’t think I’ll be running for public office anytime soon. The world just isn’t ready for a transsexual womanizer with a drinking problem.

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6 responses

2 11 2010
The Incredible Woody

I’d totally vote for you!!

3 11 2010
The Vinyl Villager

I promise I wont let you down!

2 11 2010
Murray Trillionaire

Do you drink tea?

3 11 2010
The Vinyl Villager

No, it’s bad for my kidneys.

2 11 2010
Vodka and Ground Beef

There are so many skeletons in your closet. I can’t believe you slept with your cousin. Don’t even try to claim innocence.

However, you have exactly the right amount of shame and poor decision making to earn my vote. I wrote your name in earlier today. I hope you win Governor of California. Fix our bars. And schools.

3 11 2010
The Vinyl Villager

Well it seems the write in campaign didnt quite work out for me. Ill try harder next election cycle.

But, I agree, anyone who doesnt have some “dirt” is too boring to hold office and is certainly out of touch with common man.

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