Mama Needs a Smoke

16 08 2010

So my crazy mama was in the hospital for a few days last week. Apparently her blood pressure was “in the neighborhood of Stroke City.” (All seems fine now). I called to check on her and she was NOT happy with the treatment she was receiving.

They wake ya up to give ya a damned sleeping pill!”


“I’d far (that’s “fire” for those who don’t speak Appalachian) every one of ’em! I don’t know what drugs they had your granny on, because she thought the world of the nurses she had up here, and I wouldn’t give a plug nickle for any of ’em!”

“Well, I’m sorry. Hopefully they’ll get you better so you can go home soon.”

“I sure hope! I can’t poop here, I don’t know how they expect ya to. It’s not a very relaxing place.”

“Um, yeah.”

“I wish I could smoke a damned cigarette. You know they don’t even have a smoking area anywhere in the hospital anymore?”

“I’m pretty sure you can’t even smoke outside at a hospital anymore. Ask them if they can slap a nicotine patch on you or something.”

“They gotta little gazebo out there you can smoke in. But I gotta go out there in this hospital gown and be disconnected from all these wires.”

Doesn’t hardly seem worth it to me.”

“It’s just ridiculous! I cain’t believe they treat people this way.”

Well, it’s a hospital…”

“They could have smoking rooms or a smoking lounge or something. This is crazy!”

“It’s not a hotel, it’s a hospital.”

“Used to be you could smoke in the hospital!”

“Well, used to be that black people had their own water fountains, but we’ve gotten smarter about things. Besides,  I should think they don’t want you to smoke since you’re there for high blood pressure.”

“Well, I’m gonna complain. They shouldn’t be able to treat people like this. Sending you outside in this heat to smoke! They’ll put in a smoker’s lounge if somebody gets out there and has a heat stroke!”

“Maybe so. I gotta run, you call me when you get discharged, ok.”

Incidentally, mama must have put herself through the indignity of a smoke in the gazebo, because later that night one of my former stepfathers called to ask if she was in the hospital because he “could swear she was standing outside smoking in a hospital gown when I went down that side street today.”




8 responses

16 08 2010
The Incredible Woody

My uncle had a stroke and was in the hospital. When he regained his ability to speak, he started cussing the nurses. Wanted to know where his “goddamn scotch and cigarettes” were! I’m sure they were happy to be rid of him.

16 08 2010
The Vinyl Villager

I bet they have to put up with that sort of thing daily…

16 08 2010

I swear I would quit smoking before I would stand outside in this heat in a hospital gown!

16 08 2010
The Vinyl Villager

nothing quite like your ass hanging out of a flimsy gown in 100 degree heat, is there?

16 08 2010

Yep, typical of your Mama! What do you think is wrong with her? They’ve run every test known to man anc can’t find a problem. Weird. However, they admit her to the hospital every single time. I can’t figure if it’s because they are unsure of the problem or they want to bilk they system.

Like the looks of your blog. Very classy!

16 08 2010
The Vinyl Villager

beats me! But when you pick a doctor based on how liberal they are with the ole script pad, you shouldn’t expect them to know an ass from an elbow.
Thank you! Thought it was time to do a little redecorating.

16 08 2010

The nerve of hospitals these days! I hope she makes a huge fuss and rules and procedures go back to the way they used to be.

I actually agree with the one about them waking you up to give you a sleeping pill. You would think that a hospital would be a place where you could rest…not so!

17 08 2010
The Vinyl Villager

Jason…me too. the last time I had a hospital stay I swear they came in every hour on the hour to check on something during the night. Of course, during the day, if I actually needed something a nurse was nowhere to be found. (They were probably on a smoke break!)

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