I’ve been a very good boy this year. And even when I’ve been bad, I’ve been good at it. I’m sure you have already chosen a few gifts from the Needful Things category here, but figured you might need a few more suggestions to finish your holiday shopping.
1. A twice a month cleaning lady. I realize that I’m sort of spread out among homes right now, but at some point in 2010 I hope to be in one place, and I do not want to spend my time in that one place scrubbing damned toilets. I’m not greedy, she doesn’t need to be there everyday or even every week. But just a couple times a month to do the big stuff. And if you could make her the sassy kind who dispenses advice and dry humor, I’ll leave you an extra cookie.
2. A little convertible. Nothing fancy…though if you’re feeling very generous I’d love a white BMW Z4. And I know it’s a $1300 option, but I want the white interior too.
3. And if a convertible won’t fit on the sleigh, I’ll settle for a panorama roof. Preferably attached to a Mercedes-Benz, but you can slap one on my Honda for all I care, I just want a glass roof.
5. A week’s worth of autobody work. Yes, yes, Santa, I did already have the bumper on the Honda repainted this year. But there’s a matter of a tire someone lost on the interstate. And I’m not selfish, I’ll share this gift with my dad, whose new car is sporting two smashed up doors and my little brother, whose Mustang bears the scars of a run in with a tunnel.
6. A Louis Vuitton carryall. Afterall, I’ve been wanting something with the little LV on it since way before you could buy a fake at every flea market and back alley in the world. And a little Louis duffle is perfect for overnight trips and weekend jaunts.
7. A massage. After the year I’ve had, I’m wound up tighter than a virgin at a prison rodeo. An hour or two of deep tissue massage would be just the thing I need to unwind.
8. A good dishwasher. A really good one. That will dissolve a whole turkey if needed. And will do it so quietly that a colicky baby could sleep right on top of it.
9. Some classic memorabilia. Like this gorgeous lamp from the Italian design house of Frajeeelay.
Seriously, though, would love an autographed script from any one of my favorite TV shows. (and speaking of which, you can stuff my stocking with Seasons Two and Three of Dexter!)
10. A winning lottery ticket. Doesn’t have to be to a huge jackpot. Just enough to allow me to retire comfortably.