1. So I didn’t watch the VMAs last night but I have seen the clips of Kanye West’s outburst during Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech, and just have to wonder what in hell he was thinking? Was it all some planned publicity stunt? Or is he really that classless?? When Beyonce invited Taylor onstage, there was something that seemed a bit planned about the whole thing, but who knows? What a shit show…
2. And speaking of shit shows, we spent Saturday night at a birthday bar crawl. At the last stop, our group was accosted by the very definition of a drunk, obnoxious bitch. She stopped by our booth to drop off her shoes and handbag so she could dance. None of us had ever seen this woman in our lives. Then she was back a few moments later, having been told by management that she couldn’t be on the dancefloor barefoot. She then slobbered all over every guy at the table, begging for drinks to be purchased for her while she produced her ID to prove her age (38) and that she was in fact a military spouse (her husband, bless him, is serving in Iraq). She regaled us with a tale of how she was in town for her 20th high school reunion and had apparently drank away any vestiges of self respect she had, since she would prod “Just how married are you?” when some the guys at my table tried to tell her “thanks but no thanks”. One by one, we all took our leave of her, and a half hour later she had some guy pinned against the wall near the bar (Keep in mind, this is NOT that kinda nightclub) making out with him. Right by the bar, right by the hallway to the restrooms, and right by the passage to the dance floor. She could NOT have been in a more visible place as she removed her breasts from her dress and he was sitting there chewing on them. People were jaws-dropped staring, pulling out camera phones and blackberries. This poor dumb tramp was no doubt all over facebook and the interwebs before she even sobered up. I just kept thinking, her poor husband.
3. The past couple weeks we have been cleaning out the study, shredding and filing–a task LOOOOOONG overdue. But what a little trip down memory lane going through old statements can be. Found the check for the closing costs on the house, a car I bought ten years ago, receipts for the surprise party I threw for Honey’s 30th birthday(which is a tale worth telling sometime), etc. etc.
4. Mama called this morning. “Aren’t you starting a job today?” I asked. “No, that’s next week.” she said. Which means, as I suspected, NEVER. She has a habit of fabricating jobs, dates, and the like. “I got rid of Doug.” she reported. She gets rid of him as often as I get rid of the trash, but just like the bags I set by the curb, he’s back again the next week. “And I went a little crazy with the insurance and now I don’t know how I’ll pay the power bill, but I’m worth more to ya dead than alive now.” I don’t know what that means, I can’t imagine anyone giving her a life insurance policy.
5. Yesterday was the end of pool season. Right now, the pool guy is probably putting in the winter chemicals and dragging the cover out of storage. So ends another summer, and I have to ask, “Where the heck did it go?” This whole year seems to have sped by way too fast.
6. I got my car back from the shop late Friday. The rental they gave me was nice, as rentals go, but HUGE. It barely fit in my garage, and I had to perform some advanced yoga techniques to squeeze between it’s hood and the shelves to get in the house. The body shop called on Thursday to say they found some “damage that looks like someone ran her over a curb” while they were repairing the peeling paint. I don’t recall ever hitting a curb, but whatever. Apparently fixing the tiny little peeling spot required the removal of half the front end of the car, which explains why it took three days.