Monday Morning Mish-Mash

14 09 2009

drunk

1. So I didn’t watch the VMAs last night but I have seen the clips of Kanye West’s  outburst during Taylor Swift’s acceptance speech, and just have to wonder what in hell he was thinking? Was it all some planned publicity stunt? Or is he really that classless?? When Beyonce invited Taylor onstage, there was something that seemed a bit planned about the whole thing, but who knows? What a shit show…

2. And speaking of shit shows, we spent Saturday night at a birthday bar crawl. At the last stop, our group was accosted by the very definition of a drunk, obnoxious bitch. She stopped by our booth to drop off her shoes and handbag so she could dance. None of us had ever seen this woman in our lives. Then she was back a few moments later, having been told by management that she couldn’t be on the dancefloor barefoot. She then slobbered all over every guy at the table, begging for drinks to be purchased for her while she produced her ID to prove her age (38) and that she was in fact a military spouse (her husband, bless him, is serving in Iraq). She regaled us with a tale of how she was in town for her 20th high school reunion and had apparently drank away any vestiges of self respect she had, since she would prod “Just how married are you?” when some the guys at my table tried to tell her “thanks but no thanks”. One by one, we all took our leave of her, and a half hour later she had some guy pinned against the wall near the bar (Keep in mind, this is NOT that kinda nightclub) making out with him. Right by the bar, right by the hallway to the restrooms, and right by the passage to the dance floor. She could NOT have been in a more visible place as she removed her breasts from her dress and he was sitting there chewing on them. People were jaws-dropped staring, pulling out camera phones and blackberries. This poor dumb tramp was no doubt all over facebook and the interwebs before she even sobered up. I just kept thinking, her poor husband.

3. The past couple weeks we have been cleaning out the study, shredding and filing–a task LOOOOOONG overdue. But what a little trip down memory lane going through old statements can be. Found the check for the closing costs on the house, a car I bought ten years ago, receipts for the surprise party I threw for Honey’s 30th birthday(which is a tale worth telling sometime), etc. etc.

4. Mama called this morning. “Aren’t you starting a job today?” I asked. “No, that’s next week.” she said. Which means, as I suspected, NEVER. She has a habit of fabricating jobs, dates, and  the like. “I got rid of Doug.” she reported. She gets rid of  him as often as I get rid of the trash, but just like the bags I set by the curb, he’s back again the next week. “And I went a little crazy with the insurance and now I don’t know how I’ll pay the power bill, but I’m worth more to ya dead than alive now.” I don’t know what that means, I can’t imagine anyone giving her a life insurance policy.

5. Yesterday was the end of pool season. Right now, the pool guy is probably putting in the winter chemicals and dragging the cover out of storage. So ends another summer, and I have to ask, “Where the heck did it go?” This whole  year seems to have sped by way too fast.

6. I got my car back from the shop late Friday. The rental they gave me was nice, as rentals go, but HUGE. It barely fit in my garage, and I had to perform some advanced yoga techniques to squeeze between it’s hood and the shelves to get in the house. The body shop called on Thursday to say they found some “damage that looks like someone ran her over a curb” while they were repairing the peeling paint. I don’t recall ever hitting a curb, but whatever. Apparently fixing the tiny little peeling spot required the removal of half the front end of the car, which explains why it took three days.

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5 responses

14 09 2009
The Incredible Woody

1. No, I didn’t watch. And yes, I think Kanye is just that classless. And he thinks it is OK since he later apologized on his blog.
2. Poor husband is exactly what I was thinking. I wonder if, when sober, she is one that talks of all the sacrifices people in the military make for our freedom!
3. I’m a paper saver too. The accountant in me, I guess!
4. On the bright side, at least you are the beneficiary!
5. Two words: heated pool!!
6. Those damn curbs are forever sneaking up on me!!

14 09 2009
cuteasasa

1) No. Also have not seen the Venus rant.
2) Sweetie is military. He spent 2008 “Iraq-adjacent”. It was a long year. I will tell you now that I would have accidentely tripped the bitch. I may not be a trophy wife, but you’ll find none more faithful and proud of him. In his 50’s and serving in an area that the average temp was 120 and humid. Can you imagine? I can’t. Yea, she’d have fallen on her ass.
3) Back in the old days they used to keep something called a “checkbook register”. : ) I remember Johnny Carson saying he’d kept his from his early years and liked to read through them occasionally. I find them once in a while. My first rent was $160 a month. Unfortunately, even then, it looked like and was located in a district of $160 a month places. But kind of neat to remember.

14 09 2009
trailerparkbarbie

Kanye is a dickhead.

YM lives in her own YM world.

cute….God bless your sweetie!

14 09 2009
Alan

Kanye IS classless. I’ve lost all interest in him and his tired act. As for the woman at the bar…

uh…

You gonna share pictures or what?!?

15 09 2009
Mental P Mama

I think ol’ Kanye was as drunk as your bar-gal. Regardless, not good at all. I think there’s a book in your mother’s antics…think Sedaris….

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