Conversations With Mother

10 09 2009


The title is misleading, of course, because “conversation” indicates some back and forth, and usually when my crazy mama calls it’s an awful lot of her yacking while I uncomfortably mumble “mmm hmmm” and look for an excuse to hang up.

“I just got the biggest kiss of my life from Dr. Portero” Dr. Portero, I recall, was my sister’s pediatrician.


“Yes! I’d gone to the gynecologist and he left a note there for me to come over and see him. He’s in that same complex.”

“He said he was so sorry to hear we had lost your sister and he had tried to call me and came down the street he thought I lived on.”

“Strange…” I said, and thought to myself, “probably untrue”

“Anyway, I’ve got a job now! Part time working with him, half days starting Monday!”

“That’s great!” I said, placing an internal bet with myself that she would never even start this imaginary job.

“And I’m gonna fuck his brains out!”


“He said he would take me wherever I wanted to go! Even to Armenia!” (I’m hoping that Armenia is Dr. Portero’s home country and not Mom’s idea of a trip abroad)


“And his dick was so hard you could break bricks with it! I felt it when he kissed…”

“Ugh..I’ve gotta go.”

“Ok honey, mama loves you!”




21 responses

10 09 2009


There’s no other way to say it.

10 09 2009
The Vinyl Villager

those were the exact words running through my mind the whole time…

10 09 2009
The Incredible Woody

My ears! My ears!!

10 09 2009


10 09 2009
Mental P Mama

Lord. Have. Mercy.

10 09 2009
The Vinyl Villager

dont you all feel sorry for me?

10 09 2009
The Incredible Woody

Yes. And for the doctor too!!

10 09 2009

OMG. I’ve never been so happy for a “normal” mother.

10 09 2009
Heather P.

Oh lawdy!! That is so awful! You poor thing!

11 09 2009

That’s fucking disgusting. Just sayin…

11 09 2009

Ease up Josh – it is easy to say that is ‘fucking disgusting’ when it isn’t your mother. My mum, has also given me many ‘oh dear god shoot me now, my ears have been violated!’ worthy moments. So I feel VV’s pain, misery and cringe-factor.

Mental health of mothers – disturbing, embarassing, sad, shocking. Fucking disgusting? Meh.

Hmm, am I too sensitive on the issue? Methinks yes 😉

11 09 2009

Four words…..bless your heart, honey!

If it makes ya feel any better…..I was subjected to a visit that encompassed a full hour of that nasty prattle!

11 09 2009

Your posts about your mama have taught me a lot. I now know what not to say to my son when he calls me.

I’ve been a little scarce lately but I am getting more free time now. I hope to read and learn more from your mom.

11 09 2009

Really? Oh man, somehow, I think I truly understood that your momma was really in the crazy mamma club. I was just going to post something about my mom sending me a crazy Christmas card this week going on and on about fake family memories, but now you’ve topped my momma, lol!

Um, yeah man, I feel your pain. I’m so sorry.

12 09 2009

Just when I thought it couldn’t get any better with your mama….it does.

Is she not with her boyfriend anymore?

25 09 2009
The Vinyl Villager

That question is like a magix 8 ball…you get a different answer everytime you ask.

15 09 2009
noe noe girl

She’s back on the meds. Poor mama.

25 09 2009
The Vinyl Villager

or back off of them…Im not sure.

16 09 2009
sista #2

Your momma makes me want to call and torture my daughters.


25 09 2009

um -wow -at least she had the good taste to go for a dr. (sort of)!

25 09 2009
The Vinyl Villager

no one will ever accuse her of having good taste!

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