1. I’ve been absent from the blogosphere for a few weeks. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball…and I’ve been thrown one hell of one, and I’m still swinging at it.
2. Last weekend, we got a shock when the outlaws called to tell us that Honey’s grandmother had passed away. Her health has been poor for the past year or so, but her death was sudden and somewhat unexpected. So we flew off to Chicago for her services. They do funerals differently than I’m used to. I’m used to, at most, a two hour wake followed the next day by a short service at the funeral home and a drive to the cemetary. Just as common, a one-stop-shop where the wake precedes the burial and everyone is home in time for Oprah. But, Grandma was sent off with a SEVEN HOUR wake, a funeral home service, a full mass, and then graveside rites followed by a catered luncheon at a banquet hall. This, apparently, is reduced from the THREE DAY wake her husband had twenty years ago. Very different than I’ve experienced before, but a wonderful tribute to an incredible lady. I had the privilege of being the last man to ever dance with her. A few years ago when Honey’s sister got married, I’d had six too many gin and tonics and swept Grandma out onto the floor to shake her groove thing to Tupac’s “California Love.” She was a dear woman and will be missed very much.
3. Did you know “it is not against the law to have an erection in a public park or to have a sexual conversation with anybody who is an adult.” Thus sayeth the defense attorney for a former school superintendent who was found not guilty of soliciting an undercover cop for a parkside rendezvous.
4. And in other strange penis news…some old guy removed his own after being told there was a two year wait for a sex change. Now, I’m certainly no expert, but don’t they normally need the parts they remove to create the new parts? I should think old Roland Mery is quite disappointed with himself now, but apparently not: “From the moment I walked down the stairs after I did it I just felt right,” Roland said. “I had repressed my feeling for so long. I had worked out exactly how I would do it and rehearsed it many times. It proved to me afterwards that your brain and emotions could overpower you so much. I had rehearsed the whole thing over and over. SO when it came to actually doing it, the pain wasn’t an issue anymore.” So, how does that conversation go? “Darling, I’ve sliced off my wang. I’ll clean up the bathroom as soon as the bleeding stops. Cheerio!”
5. I saw the most infuriating thing on the way to work this morning. First, it was a car going below the speed limit in the left lane, one of my all time top-five pet peeves. Oblivious to the fact that traffic was struggling to get around her. Even worse, as I passed her on the right I noticed her small son, unbuckled, leaning forward between the front seats talking to his Mom. Now, I know a kid can unbuckle themselves with a quickness unsurpassed by even Usain Bolt, but Mom was clueless, more intent on texting on her phone. Next to her sat another unbuckled child, and behind her, a third one. Three unbuckled kids and a texting driver. Unbelievable!