Attack of the Parking Lot Pervert

13 05 2009


I hesitate to even tell this story. I can’t make up my mind if it’s funny, disgusting, or sad. Ultimately, it’s a combination of all of it I suppose. Yesterday afternoon, I stepped outside of my office to take a phone call. (For some reason, my old cell phone sounded like a  bowl of Rice Krispies inside my office.) Now, let me set the scene a little. My office is in a semi-circle of five or six buildings, who all share a large but wooded parking lot that faces one of the busiest streets in town.

So as I’m chatting on the phone, I walk to my car–which is parked right against the main street. I grabbed something from the car and stood there for a moment while I wrapped the call up. When I turned to walk back to the office, there is a car stopped behind me. There’s a young guy behind the wheel of the filthy, rundown looking car, with his arm resting on the window. He mutters something, but I can’t hear him over the roar of the cars that are speeding by a mere ten feet away. I stepped closer to the car and said “Excuse me?” I assumed he was asking for directions. (There are a number of somewhat poorly marked businesses in the immediate area, so two or three times a month I find myself helping confused motorists as I come in from the parking lot.)

At this point, I’m only a foot or two from his window, and he says, “Are you Patrick?” At least that’s what I thought he said. “Patrick?” I repeated, “No, I’m sorry.”

No, are you packin’?” he repeated. I leaned in closer, sure I still wasn’t hearing him correctly.

“Packing?” I said.


“Packing what?” I was wondering where the hell he was going with this, but got the feeling that maybe he was mistaking me for his drug dealer or something. But this is where it really gets weird. Kids stop reading now.

Packing a big dick.” I’m pretty sure my jaw hit the pavement at this point.


You’re real damn cute.”

And then he grabbed me. Keep in mind, I’m still standing pretty close to his car, his arm is resting on the door, and it doesn’t take much imagination to figure out where exactly he grabbed me. I jumped back.

“Dude, what the fuck is wrong with you?”

Can I suck it?”

Hellllll no.” and I took a few steps away. My mind was racing, I didn’t want this freak show to see which office I went into. My car was right there, but I didn’t want him to know which one was mine either.

Wait, wait! I’m sorry.”

I turned my head over my shoulder, “You need to get out of here.”

“Can’t you just stand there and talk dirty to me?” My first reaction was to punch this kid in the face, but I quickly reasoned that the sort of person who would make such a parking lot overture was likely crawling with all manner of blood-born cooties. So I just started laughing and walking.

“No, I couldn’t. Now get out of here.” I waved him off.

Wait, wait!”

“Nope…” I kept walking.

Just…one…second.” His breathing was labored. Was he doing what the hell I think he was doing? I heard a grunty-gaspy noise. By this point I was on the other side of his car, several feet away. I just kept walking til I was about halfway back to the office. I looked over my shoulder, and see his hand moving feverishly–yep, he was doing exactly what I thought he was doing.  I picked up the pace. I made one last glance over my shoulder when I got to the door, and the parking lot wanker was gone.  I wasn’t sure if I should die laughing or call the police. I decided on the latter, but realized I couldn’t tell them what kind of car it was, only that it was filthy, or what he looked like other than he was white and probably in  his 20’s.

“Um, police department? I’d like to report a white guy driving around with a sticky steering wheel.” I figured I’d be making a fool of myself calling that in–but it was basically all I could have given them.

I spent the next hour in shock–what the hell kind of person approaches a complete stranger like that? What kind of sicko does THAT in broad daylight in a parking lot on the busiest road in town?? But what freaked me out the most was that he (at least at first) seemed like a perfectly  normal person–he didn’t LOOK like a freaky pervert. I had no reservations about walking straight up to his car when I thought all he needed was directions. I felt like a naive fool…he could have just as easily stabbed me as groped me. By the time I left the office an hour or so later, I was freaked out…looking out the window before I went to the parking lot, and carrying the only weapon I could find on the way out–a pair of scissors.




24 responses

13 05 2009

OMG. I am sitting here with my hands on my face and my jaw on the desk. I don’t even know what to ask. WTF? I’ve never heard of such a thing.

I still think you should call the police. What if this guy accosts a youngish kid? Do any of the offices have parking lot cameras?

What an absolutely insane experience.

13 05 2009
Little Miss

It’s so scary that he could have as easily harmed you as groped you, however, even scarier is the fact that if you were conned, how easily would a little 12 year old child be conned? Ugh. I still think you should call the police. I am glad you are okay. I know that fear though. When I was 12-1/2 in London I was trapped alone in a train compartment with a man who was… you know… and I couldn’t get away. Thank GOD he didn’t touch me.

13 05 2009

ew. i have no other words for you. just ew.

13 05 2009
Big Hair Envy

I’m going to echo the sentiment, and suggest that you call the police. Even if you don’t have any solid information, at least there will be a record of “an incident” if he tries it again in your area. What a creep!

It’s such a shame that we have to worry about freaks like that. I never let anyone that I don’t know get within arms distance of me…..I’ve been paranoid ever since I got flashed in the VCU student parking deck one Easter Sunday.

13 05 2009
Noe Noe Girl

Holy smoke! You just never know! Gawd what is wrong with people??

13 05 2009
Heather P.

Oh goodness! That is just awful! He could have easily killed you as groped you. You really do need to let the police know.

13 05 2009

Were you thinking what a great blog post this is gonna be the whole time?


13 05 2009

Nothing funny about it. I completely understand your reaction in terms of laughing it off and just getting away. I think that was the best you could do as I suspect he was hoping to get more of a reaction. One of my best friends was in a metro park last fall. There was a row of about 4 cars parked in an area she needed to pass by to get to a rest room. As she walked past them, she realized there were men in all 4 vehicles watching each other perform. The part that really bothered her…a lot, she talked about it for weeks…was that the 2 or 3 she saw well enough to have identified looked to be in their 60’s. She wondered if these poor souls had been reduced to doing this their entire lives for some sort of satisfaction. What are the odds they started at 55? She did call the police but it’s apparently something they are very familiar with and not a lot they can do. They scurry away quickly after they are done, like roaches into the woodwork. I’m sorry you had to be stressed by this. Now I’m no longer jealous just 100% happy you have your trip on the cheap to the Bay coming up. I’ll find someone else to be jealous of. : )

13 05 2009

DUDE! You totally need to report this…what if he comes back (not to freak you out)? What if he DOES figure our which office or car is yours? I’m Mr. Worst-Case-Scenario, but this should be addressed. What did honey think about it?

13 05 2009

OMG this is such a great story. I think I would have reacted pretty much the way you did. But my question is: Why did he pick you? Do you just look the part? Or were you just in the right (wrong) place at the right (wrong) time? Yes, the scary thing is that he could have hurt you.

It’s so rare that you hear this kind of story–male to male, that is–rather than male to female.

The sad thing for him is that he is willing to risk his future to do this sort of thing. But better this than going after little boys.

13 05 2009
The Predo

Sadness! This kind of behavior is not foreign to me. As a cop, I learned this predatory kind of behavior is only the beginning. This person does it because of the rush of excitement. Like any drug, he will soon become used to it and want more and more. His behavior will lead to something even more disturbing. He will surely move to actual physical assault, then maybe even rape, then possibly murder.

I know this sounds like the very worst case possibility, but believe me, I am grateful you had the scissors. If this is what will happen to this guy, he may just be back.

I don’t mean to scare you at all, but feel the need to make sure you know the facts and protect yourself.

All that being said, self defense is your right. Like Jason said, this usually occurs with male to female and usually turns dangerous fast. The thing is, most people do not report it. The police will not laugh at you, seriously, they in fact should start patrolling the area just as a precaution.

I am sorry you had to go through what you did. Please don’t feel weak or like a victim. You were just in the wrong place at the right time. You have a right to feel safe and to be heard. If you see this person again, call the police while getting away from him.

I wish I could give you a hug and tell you everything will be okay!

14 05 2009

ew, ew, ew. I had a similar experience which I have already blogged about – check it out if you are so inclined……;)

I was shell-shocked for a couple of day after that one.

14 05 2009
Mental P Mama

Definitely report it to the police. That behavior usually escalates. Horribly.

14 05 2009
The Vinyl Villager

wow…Im a little overwhelmed by the comments here! Thanks to all of you for the advice and caring!

14 05 2009

Thank God, nothing happened to you! The terrible truth is that most perverts don’t look like “perverts”. My stomach is churning just thinking about what he might have done to you.

You might remember that 2 summers ago, TPMidge was running thru uptown Beckley. She had headphones on while running and couldn’t hear a thing. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw a van stop, the door open, and an arm reach out to grab her. I’m getting sick just thinking about it. She instinctly turned and ran in the opposite direction. She could have been a Nancy Grace story….girl abducted and tied up in back of van and who knows what done to her. It really scared her to death. She promised me that she would quit wearing headphones while running. And, she did for a while but now she is wearing them again. I really thought that she had learned her lesson. I don’t think that we really accept the fact that it could be any one of us who get abducted or attacked and in the wink of an eye.

Good thinking on the scissors! If he had come back, you should have poked him right in the eye and then the crotch with them! Dirty scumbag!

14 05 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Barbie…not only are headphones a bad idea because of other people attacking you, but they can keep you from hearing cars, dogs, and who knows what else. As for my incident, it freaked me out more afterward than during. DURING, I was thinking it was kinda hilarious. But I’m on guard now. Ive got a box cutter and Im not afraid to use it.

15 05 2009

Seriously man…this world is going to hell in a handbasket. But I think you are correct when you say it could have been much worst! Thankfully the guy didn’t have a gun or knife or something. Scary shit, my friend! Jsut glad you are okay and now maybe a little more aware that there are some really freaky people out there!

15 05 2009

V V…do you remember my friend Donna L that I worked with at the phone co. for a long time? One morning, she came into the office screaming and crying. She was a terrible mess. Some old, wrinkly-ass dude had exposed himself to her in the underground parking building. YUCK

15 05 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Alan…it does make you stop and think…that was about the LAST place I would expect something like that to happen. I mean, if somebody would do that in broad daylight in a busy parking lot on a busy street, what the hell would they do in a dark alley?

Barbie…I think I would laugh, not cry, at that! LOL She should have asked him if he needed an iron.

15 05 2009

I would offer a couple of thoughts – the odds are that this guy is probably so embarrassed at being turned down yet being recognizable that he will never return there – he approached you with an offer/request so it’s not like he was sneaking up on you. If this guy is into mature men, I would seriously doubt that he would bother children.

He reminds me of the people who are turned on by the thrill of possibly getting caught in public much like the couple who were having sex in St Patrick’s Cathedral in NY.

This is statistical probability but there are exceptions, of course.

I find it sort of funny actually but I can readily see how being unexpectedly groped by a stranger in a parking lot would be unnerving. I’m glad you are safe.

18 05 2009
The Incredible Woody

I had a similar experience while I was in college. I was in the laundromat doing a month worth of laundry. While things were washing, I was sitting on the counter, staring out the window. A pickup truck pulled in and backed into the spot in front of the window. The guy opened the door. It was a warm day and I just assumed he was waiting for someone.

I continued to look out the window, not paying much attention to the guy. Until he pulled his erect penis out for all the world to see and proceeded to jack off! I phoned the police. But he had finished his business by the time they arrived. I answered their questions, signed the report, etc.

One thing, he was dumb enough to not cover his license plate. So I assume he was picked up.

19 05 2009

WOW…this post touched home with a lot of people!

19 05 2009

Wow! It’s been crazish here (see my last post…), I’m sorry it took so long to respond…but just WOW! Unfortunately, the majority of pervs do look just like you and me – that’s what makes them so dangerous. Actually, a lot of them seem to be able to radiate a sense of harmlessness, which allows them to do bad things…
TPBarbie – on the headphones..? Invest in a set of earbuds (I use JVCs Marshmallows – way comfortable, and only about $20). Give them to your daughter to use when she’s running. With the earbuds, as opposed to the headphones, you can put one in one ear, and let the other hang, or tuck it away somewhere. This way you still get to hear your music, but you are also able to hear what’s going on around you 🙂 I have found it to be a good solution to a fairly common “problem.”
VV please don’t allow this horrible experience cause to become unwilling to help people…like giving those directions you mentioned. I’d hate to see you become one of those people who are completely oblivious to those around them who are in need…

19 05 2009
The Vinyl Villager

TPB–who knew so many people had experienced something similar.

Jodi—I won’t. I’ll just make sure Im not within arms reach as Im giving those directions.

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