Midweek Mish Mash

15 04 2009

you-can-fly-tinker-bell-floor-mat

1. I told you last week about my crazy mama’s good fortune. Well, not two days passed before some chunk of that money had been spent on Mama’s new car. She called asking what she might use to get the “shoe polish price” off the windshield. (What kind of dealership doesn’t clean that stuff off for you??) “Now I just need to find me some floor mats with angels on ’em.”  ANGEL FLOOR MATS?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I advised it might be a little disrespectful to wipe your feet on an angel, and that seemed to kill that idea.: “You’re right. I bet the Lord wouldn’t like that.” I don’t think the woman’s ever been in a church unless she was walking down the aisle, but suddenly she wants the Lord’s blessing for her floor mats.

2. And while we are on the subject, MCM called the other day to report that “These new muscle relaxers give me the craziest dreams!” She then relayed, in gag-worthy detail, how she dreamt that her boyfriend “was a headless transvestite!” Disturbing as that image is, she took it two steps beyond, Running around this house with a dress on, asking me where my panties were!” How, I wonder, is a headless person able to ask for anything? “I don’t know, but I told him he wasn’t stickin’ his balls in my good panties and stretchin’ ’em out!”  I long for the days she called and didn’t give me anything to blog about.

3. I had a great time at the beach this past weekend. The weather was a bit cool…not quite warm enough to sit outside in the breeze for long, and certainly not warm enough to swim (though there were certainly people out there doing it). It’s always nice to be there in the off season when the crowds aren’t so bad, and you can eat dinner without waiting in line for two hours.

4. I had my follow up with the urologist to discuss the “findings” from my recent “collection.” Unfortunately, it brought up more questions than it gave answers, and now I’m off to have more tests done. If they don’t stop drawing blood, I’m gonna look like a junky.

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21 responses

15 04 2009
Amanda

I always enjoy a good MCM story!

15 04 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Amanda…there’s another one in the works, I just have to wait to hear the ending.

15 04 2009
The Incredible Woody

1. Where in the world to you think she got that idea?
2. Poor Villager! But, truely, nobody is sticking their balls in my good panties either! If Vol Fan wants to wear panties, he’s got to go get his own.
3. Even a cold beach is better than no beach!
4. So you’ve got to go back to the place you went to before???

15 04 2009
Little Miss

My daughter wants those Tink car mats. LOL. Beach and sun sounds soooo good any time of the year. Your mama stories crack me up.

15 04 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Woody—YES! the same dirty drug-testing slash medical lab facility in the strip mall. My disinfectant and I are on the way out the door now.

Little Miss–those were the closest I could find to an angel…oddly enough, no one seems to sell angel floor mats.

15 04 2009
Liz

1. Your wife is beginning to sound like my hubby. Beware! He’s only in church for weddings & funerals & can’t wait to leave, although lately has taken to listening to the Christian music radio. Yup. I don’t get it & it’s making me crazy.

2. You know you’d miss relaying her tales. Yes, you would. I’ve been having crazy dreams lately & I’m not taking anything!

3. I kind of like off-season at the beach too… when you can wrap up in a sweater to sit on the beach… and drink hot toddys.

4. Sorry you’re having to go back to that place. Isn’t there another one you can go to? Definitely take the disenfectant and wear long sleeves! My B-I-L has stones too & has been taking some herb that seems to break them up. I’ll check with him & let you know what it is.

15 04 2009
natalie

i always love a good mcm story. you’ve been given a gift in her my friend…thank you for sharing it with us.

as hard as i try i can’t picture my momma doing anything even remotely similar. or talking about balls. nope…can’t picture it at all. thank goodness!

15 04 2009
Jason

Liz said, “your wife.” Hee hee.

I love the MCM stories–keep ’em coming! Headless transvestite looking for her good panties to stick his balls in and stretch them out? Priceless. Priceless!

Your collections are beginning to worry me!

15 04 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Liz…I grew up in West Virginia, but not THAT part of WV…I didnt marry my mama! LOL! (We skipped hot toddys, but did polish off about three bottles of wine)

Natalie…can I exchange that gift?? LOL!

Jason–why is it that the Rocky Horror picture show was going through my head while she told me that story? No need to worry…the latest theory is that I have some parathyroid gland disease. I almost hope that is the case…the symptoms are spot-on, and the cure is easy.

15 04 2009
Josh

I think you’re mom is the epitomy of those people you see in those gambling joints at 3 am.

15 04 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Josh…she really is!

15 04 2009
15 04 2009
cuteasasa

Sold a lot of women’s panties on eBay two weeks ago. Purchased by a man. Balls are probably stretching them out as I type. MCM just makes my eyes rolls. (Probably much like hers do on a fresh load of those muscle relaxers!) But as the child of a clinically nutty momma, I try not to laugh out loud because I fear the consequence of the karma. So it’s more like a soft little teeheeheehee. And I can’t wait for the coming story. I know the two of you won’t let me down.

teeheeheeheehee…………

15 04 2009
The Predo

Headless Transvestite? Hmmmmmm. What would Sigmund say?

Sorry about all the testing! Maybe the doctor just likes having you fill the cup? Who knows, anyway, I am hoping for the best for you! Let us know!!!

15 04 2009
The Predo

Headless Transvestite? What would Sigmund say? Hmmmmm.

Hope the tests go okay! I don’t think there is anything to worry about. In fact, I think the Doctor just likes having you come to visit!!!

15 04 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Jodi, you just made her day!!! (And my mothers day shopping soooo much easier!)

Asa–“Balls are probably stretching them out as I type.” ROFLMAO!!! I’ll get the new story up soon…dont wanna put everyone into mama-overload.

15 04 2009
dawtch

Glad I could help 🙂 Check out my dance video – just got it up at the new home!
bb
dawtch

16 04 2009
Noe Noe Girl

All that “hare” sould have kept you warm at the beach!

I have the pin cushion thing going on too. This getting old and trying to figure out what is wrong sucks.
ps~dont let them keep taking blood in the same spot~change it up~ trust me.

16 04 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Predo–thanks! (and shiver at the thought of the doc liking me filling anything other than his bank accounts)

Jodi–already there! Shes got some moves!

Noe Noe–I give up after this round. If they dont tell me anything, I resign myself that it must just be old age setting in.

16 04 2009
MJ

Sexy floormats. How about some Winnie-the-Pooh seat covers to go with them?

16 04 2009
sista #2

I love your mom!
How many of those pills is she taking at a time? LOL

I could have done without the balls in her panties thing.

peace
#2

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