1. I told you last week about my crazy mama’s good fortune. Well, not two days passed before some chunk of that money had been spent on Mama’s new car. She called asking what she might use to get the “shoe polish price” off the windshield. (What kind of dealership doesn’t clean that stuff off for you??) “Now I just need to find me some floor mats with angels on ’em.” ANGEL FLOOR MATS?? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?? I advised it might be a little disrespectful to wipe your feet on an angel, and that seemed to kill that idea.: “You’re right. I bet the Lord wouldn’t like that.” I don’t think the woman’s ever been in a church unless she was walking down the aisle, but suddenly she wants the Lord’s blessing for her floor mats.
2. And while we are on the subject, MCM called the other day to report that “These new muscle relaxers give me the craziest dreams!” She then relayed, in gag-worthy detail, how she dreamt that her boyfriend “was a headless transvestite!” Disturbing as that image is, she took it two steps beyond, “Running around this house with a dress on, asking me where my panties were!” How, I wonder, is a headless person able to ask for anything? “I don’t know, but I told him he wasn’t stickin’ his balls in my good panties and stretchin’ ’em out!” I long for the days she called and didn’t give me anything to blog about.
3. I had a great time at the beach this past weekend. The weather was a bit cool…not quite warm enough to sit outside in the breeze for long, and certainly not warm enough to swim (though there were certainly people out there doing it). It’s always nice to be there in the off season when the crowds aren’t so bad, and you can eat dinner without waiting in line for two hours.
4. I had my follow up with the urologist to discuss the “findings” from my recent “collection.” Unfortunately, it brought up more questions than it gave answers, and now I’m off to have more tests done. If they don’t stop drawing blood, I’m gonna look like a junky.