Monday Morning Mish Mash

30 03 2009

OW001861

1. It was a wedding weekend that took us to a small town in Tennessee to see two friends tie the knot. It was a great ceremony, followed by a blast of a reception. We got to town early, taking a leisurely drive through the mountains, and decided to get a bottle of wine to enjoy pre-wedding. (Nothing like gettin’ buzzed to go to church!). I’m going to assume that Tennessee has some law about selling wine and liquor in grocery stores…because the one we stopped at had the longest beer aisle I’ve ever seen but nary a bottle of wine in sight. I asked a manager who was walking through if they had any vino. “Not much.” he said, “But let me show you what we do have.”  I’m not too picky about wine, so figured as long as they had a Pinot Noir I was gonna be good to go. But I’m sure I was totally unable to keep my jaw off the floor when the manager flicked from the fridge case a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill, and laid it on his forearm like he was presenting a bottle of something rare and wonderful. Luckily, there was a wine shop around the corner.

2. And the wine flowed freely the rest of the day. We polished off a bottle in the room…and I lost count at glass 8 at the reception. Needless to say, I was a wee bit intoxicated. And let me just offer a tidbit of advice. When staying in a hotel, particularly if you are going to be drinking, familiarize yourself with the layout of the hotel. You never know when you might need to find the nearest exit. But more importantly, you want to know the path to the bathroom lest you walk your naked ass out into the hallway in the middle of the night. (yes, I did)

3. Since everyone (if my search engine stats are an indication) enjoys a good fart story, check this one out: 8th grader suspended for farting on the bus. The driver complained: “Jonathan passes gas on the bus to make the other children laugh and it is so stink [sic] that you can’t breathe after he does it.” Wow, farting on command..impressive!  Rather than suspend the poor pooting passenger, maybe they should have just insisted he take some Beeno.

4. And in other news that will make the search engines quiver with joy: a British teenager painted a giant penis on the roof of his parent’s country estate. He apparently did it as a practical joke for Google Earth…but it was on the roof of the house for over a year before his parents even learned about it. Pretty damned funny if you ask me…imagine finding out that you’ve been sleeping under a giant penis for a year. (a dream come true for some?) His parents don’t seem in much of a rush to remove it…they say they’ll make him scrub it off when he gets home from his travels.

giantpenis

5. So it looks like Madonna is trying to add another Malawian baby to her collection. I’ve got a mixed bag of feelings regarding these globe-trotting baby collection celebrities. I applaud their desire to help these kids…but aren’t there kids right here that need it just as much? There was some blather on the news this morning that basically raised the question of whether Madonna should get to adopt because now she is single. There are probably 100 reasons why this particular woman might not be an ideal candidate–but because she is single?? Come on! I found it completely insulting to all the single parents out there to suggest this kid would be better off sleeping on a floor mat in Malawi versus being adopted into a *gasp* single parent home. Maybe that’s why they go abroad…everyone I know who has tried adopting in the US goes through the most ridiculous crap to get approved.

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12 responses

30 03 2009
Noe Noe Girl

5. Maybe Madonna should contact the Octomom?

30 03 2009
Josh

I agree with Noe – that is a GREAT idea. I can’t stand them both equally.

I heard about the penis thing on Bob & Tom – I’m very surprised that the parents didn’t find him and beat him. Because it was a brand new roof. I’m sure if an American kid did this, he would probably be 6 ft. under – unless his parents were influenced by Dr. Spock – then he would have a “talkin’ to”. I guess the British have a more relaxed sense of humor than Americans. And I think it’s hilarious.

You walked out in the hallway naked? haha. Wow. I bet you’re glad no one saw you. Probably would have had the cops called on you pronto. So, yeah it probably is a good idea to be familiar with the layout of the particular hotel. I hope you didn’t piss (or God forbid, shit) in the hallway…

30 03 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Noe Noe–yeah really…talk about publicity.

Josh–Ive got a relative who planned to raise her kids on the Doctor Spock method…by the time her first was two, the only thing his book was used for was beating her kids ass with it.

30 03 2009
Predo

So, now I am thinking. What should I put on my roof? Can’t be a penis, I can’t compete with that kid, my house is too small!

30 03 2009
Wendy

I am so with you on the Madonna issue, I thought the same thing when I read about it. And there is so much to be done right here at home, what has she got against “think global, act local” ?

The penis estate is very funny. If it were my son I wouldn’t be able to hide the fact I found it amusing, creative, a great story he can tell his therapist one day, and NOW GET UP THERE AND MAKE IT GONE!

30 03 2009
Big Hair Envy

I am in awe. You were able to fit church, wine, Beano, Madonna, penis AND naked into one post!

**bows to you**

30 03 2009
Jason

Ha! I love that you walked out into the hallway naked.

And on single parent adoption…it reminds me of how destitute, loveless children are better off staying that way than being with loving, stable same-sex parents.

30 03 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Predo–maybe you have room for a clitoris?

Wendy–good to see you around here! I think the sons joke is priceless…

Big Hair–what can I say, its a gift!

Jason–dont get me started on that one. Ill have to get the soapbox back out.

31 03 2009
Alan

Wedding receptions, wine, Madonna & giant penis’ all in one blog. Yep…that pretty much covers it! LOL

31 03 2009
The Vinyl Villager

and farts, dont forget farts!

31 03 2009
Red

heheee. . . butt ass nekkid .. in the hallway ..
i thought that was you!

2 04 2009
imom

That penis on the roof story is hilarious!

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