Husky is Only Cute If You’re a Dog

17 03 2009

fat-shirtless-guy-eating-cheeseburger-2_4

One advantage (or disadvantage, depending on the day) of living hundreds of miles away from my family is that months at a time often pass between seeing my relatives. My quick weekend visits, though somewhat frequent, never allow me enough time to see everyone that I would like. So, it’s not uncommon for me to only see some folks at the holidays or during the dreaded family reunion.

It has long been my goal to make sure no one at home tells me that “I look healthy” when I visit. “You look healthy,” as we all know, means “damn, you never met a donut you didn’t like.”  I generally hover around 170 pounds, a decent weight to carry on my 5′-11″ frame. But in high school, and throughout most of college, I was a good twenty pounds lighter. At the time, I actually TRIED to gain weight because I thought I looked too thin.

With the end of college came a career that had my ever-expanding ass plopped in front of a computer screen 9 plus hours a day. And it brought with it a paycheck that allowed me to eat out whenever I pleased, and a circle of friends just as busy as I was–all eager to squeeze in some social time with their meals.

So, I beefed up. Well, beef might be a generous term…it implies that my weight gain was muscle. And it certainly wasn’t.

“You look great!”  people back  home would say. “You’ve gained some weight! It looks healthy on you!” Most everyone thought the extra weight looked good on me, or were at least too polite to say otherwise.

Everyone, that is, except for our Nana. One Christmas I hauled my 180-some pound ass into her house and was promptly greeted with, “My, you look husky!”  HUSKY!! Our beloved, stick-thin, Nana, who insists on serving you a minimum of 1,000 calories for every ten minutes spent in her home, thought I was fat. She quickly back pedaled, assuring me that I looked great…and has, to this day, continued to apologize for what she swears was meant to be a compliment.

But that was a wake up call. (Well, that coupled with catching a glimpse of myself coming out of the shower the next week and realizing that my ass looked like it had hail damage). I dropped 20 pounds the next year, stepping up my exercise and watching what I ate.

The next year at Christmas, people asked if I was eating. If I was getting my vitamins. No one told me I looked “healthy” and no one damn sure said I was “husky.”

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22 responses

17 03 2009
The Incredible Woody

I know all about that ever-expanding ass syndrome – DAMN!

17 03 2009
The Incredible Woody

Good thing, Vol Fan is a ass man! Hee-hee!

17 03 2009
trailerparkbarbie

V V…I was at Grandma Jones’ house one day. I was envying Patty T’s small frame. Grandma Jones’ said, “Well, honey, everyone can’t be a beef cow. Some of us are milk cows.” She meant it in a good way but I felt like a big, flat, bosomy slob.

17 03 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Well…between you, me and the lampost, that beef cow looks more like shoe leather these days.

17 03 2009
c

You make me laugh! i like how you write your life.

17 03 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Woody…the first place I lose weight is in my ass…I wouldnt mind a little bedonkadonk back there, but its a cruel cruel world we live in.

C…thanks!

17 03 2009
Mental P Mama

LOL. I don’t want to have any of those conversations. Good night. Sweet dreams;)

17 03 2009
Zack

“Our beloved, stick-thin, Nana, who insists on serving you a minimum of 1,000 calories for every ten minutes spent in her home”

LOL!!

17 03 2009
Red

heh .. no, husky isn’t a good term to use to compliment someone.
but good on you for losing those 20 pounds 🙂

18 03 2009
Philly

I like to use the term “Big Boned”

#1

18 03 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Mental P–sleep well!

Zack–you know its the truth!

Red–she really thought it was though.

Philly–thats almost as bad as husky!

18 03 2009
Noe Noe Girl

I think I am at the “pleasingly plump” point in my life. I could stand to loose 20 pounds and horray for you for dropping that husky muscle! Your beloved, stick-thin, Nana sounds like our Christmas Nannie!

18 03 2009
Predo

“looked like it had hail damage”! HaHaHaHaHa! Wait, things to do today.
1) remove mirrors with in eye sight of shower
2) throw away all food from house
3) do a sit up
4) post notes to never look at ass

18 03 2009
imom

I lost 50 lbs a few years ago (unfortunately I found it) and people were constantly telling me I was too skinny and needed to eat. It was kind of discouraging. :/

18 03 2009
Alan

Been there, my friend. Still working on MY huskiness…

19 03 2009
trailerparkbarbie

Thank you, V V! There is something to be said about being a milk cow. The wrinkles get filled in with milk.

Today is the day of THE AUDIT! She was suppose to come yesterday but didn’t. Now, she’s late coming today. Keep your fingers crossed for us. And if you pray, PRAY HARD FOR US!

19 03 2009
trish

To me, saying someone is husky is like calling a woman “handsome” Ugh , neither are complimentary in any way.

As usual, you crack me up!

19 03 2009
cuteasasa

Woof.

Have to change my e-name.

19 03 2009
sunnymom

I can so relate but when it gets really bad is when you get just the look from ppl you have not seen in a while. You know the look that says it all, “Damn what the hell happened to you fat-ass!!!”

I got that look and since then corrected my doses of meds and shed 55+ lbs. Another 20 to go and I will be back down to my pre baby weight. I swear I will never let it get that bad again. I know it is not easy so congrats on your loss too. Love the site it is hilarious!!!!

20 03 2009
Josh

Next time my grandmother says that “I’ve gained weight in my face” I’m going to backflip out of a 10th story window and land on my head.

23 03 2009
Dad

Regarding “Husky” She did it again. We were driving our #2 son to visit his grandmother after not seeing her for a year. Josh gained at least 30 pounds in the last year and he was predicting what she would say to him. Within 60 seconds of arriving she used the H word on him!

23 03 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Dad–thats what prompted me to write this. I heard #2 put on a few lbs. and thought to myself, “Im not the husky one anymore!”

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