I’ve written here about men who got their junk stuck in jars and people who have gotten produce stuck up their rumps. A year or so ago, a fire department had to rescue a poor fella who tried to screw a picnic table, and ladies regularly visit the emergency room with everything including the kitchen sink wedged into their poontangs. You would think I would be immune to hearing stories about the bizarre things people do to pleasure themselves. But just when I think I have heard it all…something like THIS hits the headlines.
Apparently, a young couple looking to spice things up brought some items from the toolshed into the bedroom. They fit a…ahem…defibrillator onto the end of a saber saw and went to town. Yes, a saber saw. See where this is going?
Well, those dumbasses didn’t. As fate would have it, the saw made quick work of the phony phallis they had fitted over it. (Imagine that! Who knew a power saw could cut through plastic?) I’ll leave the rest to your imagination, but suffice it to say that the EMT’s arrived to find a very bloody woman with a homemade episiotomy.
So where did this amorous duo get the idea? Well…as it turns out (aren’t you glad I do this research??) any number of online sources sell “F**Kzalls“–all of which appear to be actual Home Depot-issue saws modified for use as a nighstand powertool. There are even movies out there showing such items in use….but it’s between you and Google if you want to see those. The cheapest “F**kzall” I saw was $169.00…and in this economy, who can blame these kids for trying to save a buck.