Sawzalls Were Not Made for the Hoo-ha!

11 03 2009

sawzall

I’ve written here about men who got their junk stuck in jars and people who have gotten produce stuck up their rumps. A year or so ago, a fire department had to rescue a poor fella who tried to screw a picnic table, and ladies regularly visit the emergency room with everything including the kitchen sink wedged into their poontangs. You would think I would be immune to hearing stories about the bizarre things people do to pleasure themselves. But just when I think I have heard it all…something like THIS hits the headlines.

Apparently, a young couple looking to spice things up  brought some items from the toolshed into the bedroom. They fit a…ahem…defibrillator onto the end of a saber saw and went to town. Yes, a saber saw. See where this is going?

Well, those dumbasses didn’t. As fate would have it, the saw made quick work of the phony phallis they had fitted over it. (Imagine that! Who knew a power saw could cut through plastic?) I’ll leave the rest to your imagination, but suffice it to say that the EMT’s arrived to find a very bloody woman with a homemade episiotomy.

So where did this amorous duo get the idea? Well…as it turns out (aren’t you glad I do this research??) any number of online sources sell “F**Kzalls“–all of which appear to be actual Home Depot-issue saws modified for use as a nighstand powertool. There are even movies out there showing such items in use….but it’s between you and Google if you want to see those. The cheapest “F**kzall” I saw was $169.00…and in this economy, who can blame these kids for trying to save a buck.

(Thanks dlisted)

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21 responses

11 03 2009
The Incredible Woody

I can’t even respond!!

12 03 2009
Heather P.

YEOUCH!!! Oh that’s painful!!!

12 03 2009
Michelle

Amazing! Did you know that this happened right here in the same county where I work? A friend of mine actually took the 9-1-1 call. It was interesting to say the least.

12 03 2009
Alan

Holy…SHIT! Where do you GET this stuff??? What IDIOT would EVER do something like that???

Where is humanity going, I wonder…

12 03 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Michelle…and you made me hear about it first on the internet?? I’d love to hear that 911 call…

Alan…clearly I spend too much time online. As for humanity…I think it’s going to the emergency room…with it’s wang stuck in a garbage disposal.

*Disclaimer* The Vinyl Villager does NOT endorse sexual intercourse with a garbage disposal and shall not be held liable if someone is dumb enough to try it and shreds their weinie off.

12 03 2009
Big Hair Envy

O. M. G.

12 03 2009
Mental P Mama

I thought Britney looked a little off at her concert last night.

12 03 2009
Noe Noe Girl

I’ll say it again….we are surrounded by IDIOTS!

12 03 2009
Predo

Uhm, yeah. I wonder if these two were members of the public school system. I wonder who is going to run the country for this generation?

I have never thought of a power tool as a love device, but my garage is full of them. Should I be worried?

12 03 2009
Amanda

{sitting speechless with her hand over her mouth}

12 03 2009
The Vinyl Villager

How much do you all wanna bet there are some new warning labels coming soon to a powertool near you?

12 03 2009
cuteasasa

Sure, I’d like to see the video of the device. And yes, if I get bored enough with eBay, I might just do a little google search. But what I’m really like to see….and Michelle might be able to help me out here…is the toxicology report involved in this incident. Some how I’m thinking it might have some matches with the woman who wanded that poor fellow in his casket a few days back.

Another blog adventure I’ll be sharing with friends. Thank you VV. Sadly, this was the high point of my day. I laughed out loud.

12 03 2009
thegirlfromtheghetto

I worked at a hospital and we had a secret stash of x-rays showing various things shoved up men’s butt’s. It was hysterical to see profession men and women go to “The Box” from time to time if they needed a pick me up. Ha ha ha …

12 03 2009
Red

oh .. oh .. my goodness.
i don’t …… don’t even know what to say to that.

13 03 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Asa–let us know what you find if you do that search!

Girl–I can only imagine. What was the weirdest??

Red–damn! I cant believe I left YOU speechless!

13 03 2009
MJ

OHMYGOSH. Morons.

You’d be amazed at how many incidents there are like this. My cop found a guy who had electrocuted himself in some form or fashion… you don’t want to know.

13 03 2009
Liz

Good Lord! Had they never heard of a Jack-Rabbit for vibration? Among other things.

http://www.pleasuremenow.com/index.asp?PageAction=VIEWPROD&ProdID=1462

13 03 2009
Liz

Okay, this was the 6th time tonight that my comment has been eaten. Fine. I give up for the night.

14 03 2009
The Vinyl Villager

MJ…I think I do wanna know…

Liz…that happens to me a lot on blogspot blogs…whats it doin to you here??

14 03 2009
The Vinyl Villager

Liz—your first comment went to the spam machine. (Im thinkin’ your link made it think you were a porn spammer!) LOL! Snooty the Porn Spammer…

14 03 2009
Josh

WARNING:

Do not use in vagina.

Do not retrofit to a vibrator.

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