When my crazy mama got her second divorce, her newly-ex-husband met her in the hall after the decree was handed down and gave her a little dee-vorce gift. Well, it wasn’t little exactly…but it was a plastic, vibrating device in the shape of a certain body part that the ex-husband hoped would keep mom from “needing another man.”
Mom feigned offense at the “gift” but, of course, she kept it. Anyone opening the linen cabinet in her master bath was likely to have it fall right out on their foot. (I should point out that it remained in its packaging for years, coming out of the box for the first time–far as I know–when I was in high school and a knowing friend chased someone around the house with it)
Anyhoo…mama did, it turned out, need another man. She dated frequently, and babysitting duties were left to my grandmother, who grudgingly spent many a night at our house to see that my sister and I got to bed on time. One evening, my normally reserved grandmother fumed, “I don’t know why she feels like she has to run right out and find another husband! It can’t be for sex, she’s got a defibrillator in her bathroom!”
I suppose, if used properly, a dildo could get the heart pumping…but grandma’s gaffe still cracks me up a dozen years later.