I’ve often heard it said that passing a kidney stone is the closest a man will come to the pain of childbirth. As I’ve written HERE and HERE I am no stranger to kidney stones. But I generally have an attack, then don’t have another for a year or two. I was overdue an attack last fall, when lower back pain signaled that a stone was imminent. Before the holidays, I had passed three. I figured I was free and clear for a few years.
Then, two weeks ago while I was in Chicago, I passed another–luckily with no pain involved. This Sunday night, I had some back pain, but not nearly as bad as what normally accompanies a stone. I figured it was from hours spent driving and from dragging kids around at the ski resort. Monday morning, though, I was proven wrong when *POP* another stone passed. Tuesday, I started getting really sharp back pains. “It can’t be another one!” I thought, “I’ve already passed five in the past couple months!” My urologist thankfully took me right in and ordered a CT scan.
Now, I don’t know if you’ve ever seen a CT scan, but they are really cool looking. It’s like looking at slices of your own body. I was immediately reminded of a wrap that had been sliced in half, although instead of looking at bits of chicken and lettuce and cheese, I was seeing my heart, my liver, and my kidneys.
See the resemblance? (that’s not MY CT scan, in case someone out there spots an ovary or something)
Anyway, the scan revealed six more stones…three in each kidney. Add that to the five I’ve already passed in the last few months, plus the seven or so I’ve passed at various times prior in my life, and I’m up to about 18 total. Which will put my “childbirthing” experience somewhere in Michelle Duggar-land, and (so long as she doesn’t find another fertility doc crazy enough to fill her with embryos) well above the experience of wax-lipped Nadya Suleman. Think anyone will pay me millions for an interview?