1. The lady at the convenience store was looking out for me the other morning. I was hungry, in a rush, and only had a buck and change on me. So I ran in and got myself a pack of raspberry Zingers. The elderly lady at the counter said “Is this your breakfast?” I replied that it was. “That’s awful!” she said, with a disapproving look….”But I guess it’s got coconut on it, so at least you’re gettin’ a helpin’ of fruit.” Coconut counts as a fruit? I’m not so sure, but at least she was looking after my health. As I walked out, she followed me and lit up a cigarette.
2. I was in Philadelphia for a wedding this weekend, and I tell ya, I could NOT drive in a big city. The honking, the traffic, the weaving in and out. I’d have to be on nerve pills just to take a taxi more than once a week. And you see cars parallel parked literally with their bumpers touching…I’d get in that situation ONCE and my car would just be trapped there until it rusted away, because I could NOT get out of a space like that.
3. A group of us in Philly converged on the Macy’s…and when I stepped off the elevator, I had the oddest sense of de ja vu. The store’s soaring atrium seemed so familiar…as I rode back down the elevator, I asked an employee if the store had been used in a movie or something. “Sure was!” he replied:
4. Just about a week to go before this damned election is over. That’s the point of this morning’s lil’ poster. Get the facts and go vote!
5. A little Halloween joke for ya:
A cabbie picks up a Nun.
She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won’t stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
“I have a question to ask you but I don’t want to offend you.”
“My son, you cannot offend me. When you’re as old as I am
and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and
hear just about everything. I’m sure that there’s nothing you could
say or ask that I would find offensive.”
“Well, I’ve always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me.”
“Well, let’s see what we can do about that: #1, you have
to be single and #2, you must be Catholic.”
The cab driver is very excited and says,
“Yes, I’m single and Catholic!”
“OK” the nun says. “Pull into the next alley.”
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
“My dear child,” says the nun, “why are you crying?”
“Forgive me but I’ve sinned. I lied and I must confess, I’m married and I’m Jewish.”
The nun says, “That’s OK.
My name is Kevin and I’m going to a Halloween party.”