Man Poots On Patrolman

24 09 2008

It never fails that when West Virginia (my homestate) makes the news, it’s embarassing. Now we have the case of a Clarksburg, WV man who is charged with assault after farting on a police officer

While being fingerprinted following a DUI arrest, Jose Cruz “lifted his leg and passed gas “loudly” on the officer, according to a criminal complaint filed in Kanawha Magistrate Court.”  Then he waved the toot toward the officer, who documented in the complaint that “”The gas was very odorous and created contact of an insulting or provoking nature…”

He was probably drunk on  beer. Beer farts are the worst!

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24 responses

24 09 2008
The Rev.

I honestly cannot stop reading the sentencing about him waving the toot toward the officer over and over and over.

He should’ve used the “cup and throw” method of fart propulsion…much more effective! 😉

24 09 2008
The Vinyl Villager

LOL! These amateur criminals…I tell ya.

Good to see ya Rev.

24 09 2008
Big Hair Envy

No, KEG beer farts are the worst!!!! Not that I would know that from personal experience or anything….

24 09 2008
Queen of Planet Hotflash

sure it wasn’t a skunk???? lmao
nassy pure nassy

24 09 2008
trailerparkbarbie

HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!!!

I posted you a bday song at my blog.

25 09 2008
Philly

You should not supress bodily functions

#1

25 09 2008
Woody

I have a few family members that I could totally picture doing that!!

Didn’t know it was your birthday – Have a Happy One!!

25 09 2008
The Vinyl Villager

aww thanks guys! I’m thinkin this guy can get off on a “nervous stomach” defense…

25 09 2008
joanharvest

Happy Birthday!!!

Can farting actually be a crime? Actually, when I think about that question a little more I say yes, it can.

25 09 2008
MJ

LOL NICE.

That’s nothing. My cop had someone purposefully pee and crap in his patrol car on the way to booking.

25 09 2008
MJ

Oh, and happy belated (I saw TPB’s post).

25 09 2008
Big Hair Envy

I can’t believe I missed your birthday! I hope it was fun-filled and decadent 🙂

25 09 2008
Queen of Planet Hotflash

Oh Man it’s your Birthday and I missed it I was gonna sing and have margaritas and blow those annoying horns and throw confetti and have balloons
Well Shit there goes that idea!

Happy Belated Birthday Villager..
I promise a MIL story for your gift… :o)

25 09 2008
Jodi

Happy Bday!!!!!
Lady watch over
This man getting older,
Keep his step light,
And from his hair white,
Let all parts still flow-
Allow no function to go,
Strong of back,
And strong of knee,
This is my will,
So mote it be!
bb
dawtch

25 09 2008
The Vinyl Villager

awww
you guys are too sweet.
thanks!

25 09 2008
Wendy

This has been happening to women throughout history — George Washington probably Dutch ovened poor aged Martha and thought it was hilarious. Maybe the cop wouldn’t have been so pissed off if he’d been warned, like if the drunk had preceded it with I fart in your general direction…

P.S. – Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday to you!

25 09 2008
Wendy

Oops..birthdayd you twice somehow. 🙂

25 09 2008
The Vinyl Villager

Wendy…you crack me up! And thanks for both birthdays! LOL

BREAKING NEWS

the fart charge has been dropped. DUI charges are still pending.

25 09 2008
trailerparkbarbie

Charges were probably dropped due to the almost impossibility of proving that it was a fart. How do they know that he wasn’t just carrying a dead squirrel around in his drawers and moving his leg allowed the steamy squashed squirrel smell seep out? Now, say that ONE real fast 5 times…”.steamy squashed squirrel smell seep…”

26 09 2008
Alan

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! That’s just stupid.

26 09 2008
MJ

Wait, a thought has crossed my mind –

Could this be assault with a deadly weapon? Or maybe come kind of chemical weapon?

LOL, I crack myself up!

26 09 2008
trailerparkbarbie

MJ….it would be ass-ault!

27 09 2008
Grandmère Mimi

Hi, Vinyl Villager. I posted on this story, too, but I didn’t get one comment. I suppose I get a different sort of visitor.

Your bio is hilarious. Maybe I should write a funny bio for my blog. As you may have discerned from my blog name, I’m an old lady, but I still like a laugh.

27 09 2008
The Vinyl Villager

Mimi–good to have you here! I think a good laugh is great no matter what age we are. I look forward to checking out your blog too!

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