Republican National Convention Schedule of Events

25 08 2008

Didn’t have to keep you waiting too long…

as an almost-equal opportunity jokester, I present

The Republican National Convention Schedule of Events

* 7:00 pm – Ceremonial burning of the U.S. Constitution
* 7:15 pm – Spiritual Medium Sylvia Browne performs psychic séance in desperate attempt to raise Ronald Reagan from the grave
* 7:35 pm – “The Pleasu res of Adultery” – with Newt Gingrich & Rudy Giuliani
* 8:05 pm – Gay sex party in Men’s Restroom hosted by Senator Larry Craig
* 8:35 pm – Transvestite Ann Coulter – “My Life as a Man”
* 8:55 pm – Live satellite feed from Federal Prison – Ohio Rep. Bob Ney
* 9:05 pm – Guest speaker ex-Florida Congressman Mark Foley ” Joys with Young Boys”
* 9:25 pm – Oliver North – ” Iran is Evil, but I sold them weapons anyway”
* 9:40 pm – Bill O’ Reilly – ” The costs of sexual harassment and phone sex with employees”
* 10:00 pm – Gay sex party in Men’s Room hosted by Ken Mehlman and Geraldo Rivera
* 10:25 pm – Check John McCain to see if he’s still breathing and if his adult diaper needs changed.
* 10:35 pm – N.R.A. President hosts an assault riffle target practice on Gays and Mexicans.
* 10:45 pm – Call emergency squad after a drunken Dick Cheney accidentally shoots his friend in the face.
* 11:00 pm – President Bush performs his hilarious comedy routine where he looks for Iraq’s fictitious WMD’s under guests tables.
* 11:15 pm – Governor Mike Huckabee does his famous uncanny imitation of Gomer Pyle.
* 11:20 pm – Group intervention to get Rush Limbaugh back into drug rehab
* 11: 45 pm – Go up on rooftop and throw rocks down at homeless Vets sleeping in alley.
* 12:00 am – Live satellite feed from Federal Prison – California Congressman Randy “Duke” Cunningham
* 12:20 am – Convicted felon/Fox News analyst G. Gordon Liddy – Lock picking secrets
* 12: 40 am – Guest speakers Donald Rumsfeld and Paul Wolfowitz – “How to lie your Country into a War”
* 1:00 am – Former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay – “Tips on Money Laundering”
* 1:15 am – Hookers arrive for after party

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14 responses

25 08 2008
Big Hair Envy

It’s nice to see that you are an equal opportunity offender! Bahahahaha! These are just TOO funny!

25 08 2008
The Incredible Woody

ROFL!! These schedules are perfect!!

26 08 2008
Peter Parkour

A brutal follow up, but funny none the less. 😛 It’s funny and brutal because it’s true. 😉

26 08 2008
MJ

7:15 pm – Spiritual Medium Sylvia Browne performs psychic séance in desperate attempt to raise Ronald Reagan from the grave

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
You know, a dead Reagan still might be better than our other choices 😀

26 08 2008
thegirlfromtheghetto

Oh, I LOVE it. What I’m laughing at is my mayor, Kwame Kilpatrick not being able to attend the convention – because his judge won’t let him go … hes on a tether! This just kills me!

26 08 2008
The Rev.

2:15 am – Bush attempts to leave, finds both doors locked, looks dumbfounded whilst continuously trying said doors….

26 08 2008
tom

LOL !! And yet there agenda gives me the creeps too !

26 08 2008
Liz

Geeze, maybe I do want to go to the Rep. Convention after all…

Both the Dems & Reps posts were funny!!!

I came home one day to find someone had left me a bumper sticker by the front door that said: WE’RESCREWED2008.COM. I was stupid enough to try to find it on the web… it doesn’t exist. Still, made me laugh at the irony of it all.

26 08 2008
Vanticat

http://www.werescrewed2008.com

I had to go searching. lol

27 08 2008
Sarah

wow. that is hysterical!!!

GOOD STUFF MAN, GOOD STUFF!

28 08 2008
Alan

Ooooh…that is So wrong! And HYSTERICAL! Nice…

28 08 2008
Craig

The Republican National Convention Schedule of Events

* 7:00 pm – John McCain’s POW Experiences
* 7:15 pm – John McCain’s Life As A POW
7:35 pm – Historical Perspective: POWs and John McCain
* 8:05 pm – Q&A: Was John McCain A POW?
* 8:35 pm – Vietnam and John McCain: A Look Back
* 8:55 pm – McCain’s Economic Policy: A POW’s Perspective
* 9:05 pm – McCain’s Foreign Policy: A POW’s Perspective
* 9:25 pm – McCain’s Domestic Policy: A POW’s Perspective
* 9:40 pm – McCain’s Environmental Policy: A POW’s Perspective
* 10:00 pm – John McCain: “My Friends, Ask Me About My POW Experience”
* 10:25 pm – POW Roll Call
* 10:35 pm – Entertainment Break: “Prisoners Of Love” from The Producers
* 10:45 pm – Bill O’Reilly: No-Spin Straight Talk About John McCain’s War Record
* 11:00 pm – Benediction for current POWs, led by John McCain

28 08 2008
ameliahope

Hmmm. I was always wondering what it would be like.

Suddenly I’m considering becoming a republican.

28 08 2008
jason

That last comment was not really from amelia hope. She’s my daughter and she was logged into Word Press when I left the comment, and I didn’t realize it. It was from me. Sorry. 🙂

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