Ernest Borgnine was on Fox News and revealed his personal fountain of youth: masturbation. (Though, at his age, I suspect its more of a slow drip than a fountain. That was inappropriate wasn’t it?…let’s cut to the video…)
Anyway, he may not be joking. According to a study (you can read more on it HERE) there are a lot of benefits to masturbation. Among them–a healthier prostate (those who flogged the bishop more than 5 times a week saw their chances of prostate cancer drop by a third), improved immune function, and for women, it helps with pain, cramps, and builds resistance to yeast infections.
So the old theories that it would lead to blindness were completely wrong afterall. I’m betting it won’t make your palms hairy either.
For fun I looked up some slang terms for masturbation. A few favorites: Bludgeon the Beefsteak, Pat the Robertson, Punchin’ The Munchkin, Tugging your Tapioka Tube, Let the Fingers do the Walkin’, and Gagging the Clam. If you want to see a very comprehensive list, click here.