Chokin’ The Chicken Can Add Years To Your Life

14 08 2008

Ernest Borgnine was on Fox News and revealed his personal fountain of youth: masturbation. (Though, at his age, I suspect its more of a slow drip than a fountain. That was inappropriate wasn’t it?…let’s cut to the video…)

Anyway, he may not be joking. According to a study (you can read more on it HERE) there are a lot of benefits to masturbation. Among them–a healthier prostate (those who flogged the bishop more than 5 times a week saw their chances of prostate cancer drop by a third), improved immune function, and for women, it helps with pain, cramps, and builds resistance to yeast infections.

So the old theories that it would lead to blindness were completely wrong afterall. I’m betting it won’t make your palms hairy either.

For fun I looked up some slang terms for masturbation. A few favorites: Bludgeon the Beefsteak, Pat the Robertson, Punchin’ The Munchkin, Tugging your Tapioka Tube, Let the Fingers do the Walkin’, and Gagging the Clam. If you want to see a very comprehensive list, click here.

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18 responses

14 08 2008
Big Hair Envy

Did everyone on Fox News have to go out for a smoke when they cut to commercial? Bahahahaha!

14 08 2008
Queen of Planet Hotflash

So sperm back up is a killer …hmmmmmmmm

14 08 2008
Sarah

YES!
AWESOME!
i am fwding this to BF!
haha

14 08 2008
Red

cool .. i ought to be in good shape then.

14 08 2008
MJ

Just one more reason…

14 08 2008
dropofkim

Did you know…too much masterbation can lead to thinning of the hair? For reals!
*looks at everybody’s hair*

14 08 2008
colbymarshall

Bludgeon the beefsteak? That sounds like something for sadists…

14 08 2008
The Vinyl Villager

Big Hair–I would not be surprised!

Queen–men have been trying to get that point across for CENTURIES!

Sarah–hope he enjoys it!

Red–ROFLMAO! ‘Bout time something you like was good for ya, eh?

MJ–like we all needed another?

Kim–are you serious?? Wow…I have very thick hair, whats that say about me?

Colby–I know! Half of the slang terms for it sounded like animal abuse.

14 08 2008
mJ

You is all gonna go blind.

14 08 2008
Red

aaaaaaahahahha!
I’ll be one bald and blind bird .. ah well, I’ll be happy 🙂

15 08 2008
Peter Parkour

I may go bald, but I’m pretty sure I’m on my way to immortality. 😉

15 08 2008
The Vinyl Villager

As they say down here– y’all aint right.

16 08 2008
Alan

Wow…THAT is funny!!! And then he shook his hand!!! LOL

16 08 2008
The Vinyl Villager

Alan–I know…I hope they had some hand sanitizer handy.

16 08 2008
jason

This post seals the deal. You’re my new favorite.

16 08 2008
The Vinyl Villager

LOL! Jason, just trying to look out for everyone’s health!

27 09 2008
mike

You gotta throw the boss a beatin’ now and then to keep ‘im in line!

27 09 2008
mike

You must flog the bishop from time to time as penance for his sins 🙂

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