1. Boogers are popular! Last week, you might recall, I posted three little stories about a crazy lady who paid a small fortune to have her dog cloned. Then two days later we learn that wasn’t anywhere near the craziest thing she had ever done–years earlier, its she abducted a Mormon boyfriend and raped him before fleeing authorities with a string of disguises–mime, nun, and who knows what else. Well, as I said, Booger was popular–The Vinyl Village had its best day ever–and almost as many visitors in a weekend as are normally seen in a whole month–and most of them came here wanting to learn more about Joyce Bernann McKinney. Hopefully some of those who came here to read about a crazy woman also had a chance to check out some of the stories about my mother. 🙂
2. Speaking of my mother, she called for money this week. Seems that whatever part on her steering wheel that locks it in place as you adjust it up and down was broken, so the steering wheel just bobbed up and down freely. Before she could have that fixed, the wonky steering wheel caused an accident. That’s right–as she went through the drive through at Captain D’s to get a Pepsi, the steering wheel flopped around, caused her to lose control, and crash into the Captain D’s. Apparently, she is too good to drive around with the resulting dent, but not too good to call up every family member that will still answer the phone and beg to “borrow” the money to fix it.
3. I got an invitation that I’ve been dreading–to my family reunion. (Mom’s side–well, actually grandmother’s side.) Its a gathering of mostly octagenarians, three or four of which I actually recognize and have ever seen outside of the reunion. The worst part is usually that we all have to bring a craft or a cheap dollar store “gift” and then we do one of those Chinese gift exchanges. It’s the talk of the family until Christmas when someone snatches away an item that someone actually wants. For me, I try to take something that no one could POSSIBLY want, because whatever I end up with is just going in the Goodwill box as soon as I get home anyway. But the gift exchange this year has some competition…the invitation implores us to bring along a musical instrument or other “talent” to share with everyone. I’m bracing myself for lots of banjo music. The worst part is that none of these people drink, so I can’t even tie a good one on to get through it. A good number are overmedicated though, so maybe I can score a valium or something to calm my nerves. At any rate, I HAVE to go, because I didn’t last year, and my mom rarely goes, so I have to “represent” that branch of the family for grandma’s sake. Though since mom is still grieving, she may actually come this year, because there is a good chance she can be the center of attention–a spot she clearly relishes.
4. So John Edwards admitted to cheating. And, like so many dumb political wives before her, Elizabeth Edwards is standing by her man. Now I know that many marriages weather the storm of infidelity, but just once I’d like to see one of these scorned wives just whoop the crap out of her husband. Instead of standing there next to him like a bobble head doll while he confesses to the cameras that he couldn’t keep his willie in his pants, I want to see one of these ladies just grab the mic and beat the crap out of him. Or maybe CNN could go live to their home and catch the wife tossing all of the philandering politico’s stuff out onto the lawn.
5. I recently had dinner with some clients who had been on an African vacation. After a day of site seeing, they returned to their resort to find that management had left them a note apologizing that MONKEYS HAD BROKEN INTO THEIR ROOM. Yep…monkeys! They had come in through the patio doors, ransacked the room–ate all of the South Beach Diet food the Mrs. had brought, along with the couple’s malaria medication. Probably not something that had been highlighted in Foders.