If you’ve ever tried to watch TV on a Sunday afternoon (and are not a sports fan) then you know it’s slim pickings.
So imagine my surprise to see listed a program called “Britain’s Worst Teeth”. Thinking to myself…”hmmm…they’re all pretty bad, aren’t they?” I clicked on to see what exactly qualified for the dubious title of Britain’s worst. It should be noted here that this was just before the baby shower that was held at my place, and the guest of honor and I were entertaining each other while everyone else busied themselves with shower preparations.
Now, the BBC describes the show this way: “Britain’s Worst Teeth follows four twenty-somethings with some of the worst teeth in Britain. Their teeth are so bad they affect every aspect of their lives. They are in pain and are embarrassed to go out. They find eating and speaking difficult, and not surprisingly, they find it difficult to attract partners.”
The episode we saw featured a a young brother and sister who relayed that they hadn’t seen a dentist in at least a decade. The girl had a traumatic experience with a dentist as a child, and the guy had some fear of dentists as well. (I’ll just interject right here that my ass would take a valium, a percocet, or something to get over that fear before I ever let even one tooth look the way these people’s did) These people couldn’t even eat TOAST without screaming in pain. The guy could barely talk.
An image of a mouth came up on the screen…a little yellow…a couple of fillings, but certainly this couldn’t be THE WORST in Britain?? The mother-to-be and I were puzzled. “They aren’t THAT bad…” we remarked. I’m still not sure whose mouth we were looking into at that point.
Because then they showed the girl’s. The only thing that indicated we were looking at teeth was the proximity of a tongue. I am not joking in the least when I say that her molars looked like blue cheese chunks. Mother-to-be and I gagged. “Oh my GOD!” rang through the room. By the time we regained our composure, they were showing the brother’s mouth. As luck would have it, his mouth can be found on the internet, and it is my duty to present it here (imagine seeing this for the first time on a high-def TV screen):
“Oh god! OH GOD!!” the mother-to-be shouted, “Change the channel!!” I covered my eyes with one hand and searched for the remote with the other. We both gagged and shouted at the site.
Our friends ran in from the kitchen. “Holy hell, what are you screaming about? It sounds like you all are having sex in here!”
I mean, I don’t see how you can save that grille. I think it’s time to pull em and get some dentures. And of course they have trouble attracting a partner! I mean, shit, the only thing that mouth is gonna attract is flies!
So, if you have the stomach to watch the whole episode…let me know what they did for those folks.