Monday Morning Mish-Mash

14 07 2008

There! If “free online porn” doesn’t bring in the clicks, nothing will!

Just a few random comments this morning.

1. They have been playing the death out of a song called “Our Song” by Taylor Swift. There is a line in there that drives me absolutely bat shit crazy:

“when we’re on the phone and ya talk real SLOW, cause it’s late and your mama don’t know” What in hell does that mean? How is talking SLOW gonna fool mama? Will she think to herself…”heh? what’s that? is that boy on the phone past his bedtime again? aww, no. It’s someone talkin SLOW–it must be his retarded brother?”

I mean, LOW would have fit into the song just as well and made some damn sense, am I wrong?

2. My house was the setting for a baby shower turned Badminton tournament last night. Fun was had by all…and it is by the grace of a power higher than any of us that no one was shot–as many times throughout the night, someone had to vault over the fence into the elderly neighbor lady’s yard to retrieve an errant shuttlecock.

3. Four nuns die in a crash and arrive at the Pearly Gates together. St Peter says “Sisters…I know the vows you’ve taken and the lives you have led, but  I have to ask each of you one question before I allow you in.”

The first sister steps forward.

“Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” St Peter asks.

Ashamed, she hangs her head, and confesses that, as a girl, she had in fact touched a penis with her finger.

“That is not much of a transgression for a whole lifetime on Earth” Peter says, “Dip that finger in this Holy Water and go on in.” She does as he asks, and walks into Heaven as the second sister steps up.

“Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” St. Peter asks her. Also ashamed, the nun hangs her head and admits that she had once touched a penis with her hand. St. Peter thinks a moment, decides it wasn’t such a bad sin to have committed, and tells the nun to dip her hand in the Holy Water and go on in.

The third nun steps up, and St. Peter asks her the same question. She turns a bright red and opens her mouth to answer.

Just then, the fourth nun interrupts.

“Now wait a damned minute. If you think I’m gonna gargle in that water after she’s had her ass in it, you’ve got another thing coming!”

4. I have been using some face “Stuff” from one of those “bored housewife pyramid scheme” companies. Its great. I pay $25 a tube…but half goes to the salesgirl, some other percentage goes to whoever got her started, and down the line. I figured it out–it actually costs them about 18 cents to make the shit…the rest of my $25 just gets split among the housewives. Anyhoo…in a truly stupid moment I forgot to wash my face with the aforementioned pyramid scheme face wash and instead just used the regular stuff. Now I look like Amy Winehouse…if this shit doesn’t clear up, Im betting the police will come busting through my front door looking for the meth lab.

5. Last week was the busiest EVER here at the Vinyl Village…thanks to all of you who stop by.

6. One more. I found out my dad ran a 50K trail run this weekend. Thats over 30 miles for those who are metric-challenged. I mean, I get tired if I DRIVE that far, there is no way in hell I could run it.




15 responses

14 07 2008
Big Hair Envy

I have been struggling with that song lyric for months now. It is SO stupid. Don’t get me wrong, I like Taylor Swift, but come on!

Glad the Baby Shower/ Badminton Tournament went well. Still not really making the connection betweent the two. Must be a guy thing.

I’m not the kind of girl to touch and tell.

14 07 2008
The Vinyl Villager

LOL! I mean they could have dropped ONE letter and it would have made perfect sense…but NO! SLOW got past the songwriter, the producers, and Im betting 90 percent of the listening public.

14 07 2008

I too had the same thought about that damn “slow” thing.

I was thinking “well, I used to talk quiet, but slow?” Besides, if she’s as southern as she sounds, they’re already talking slow. Any slower and it’d be backwards!!!

14 07 2008
The Vinyl Villager

maybe thats what it is…they talk so slow its backwards so Mama just gets confused.

I am so glad I am not the only one who noticed that.

14 07 2008

Okay question .. Was the baby shower for y’all?
The Nun joke friggin hilarious
Meth Lab face ain’t good darlin
Was the pregnant chick the one to climb the fence? ..well ya never know if ya don’t ask
Hey way to go Dad.. No way in hell I am running any where nothing is that important to get to or from

14 07 2008
The Vinyl Villager

no baby shower for me..though I would love to have a kid…theres a little problem of no womb to carry it in.

No, the pregnant chick didnt even play…though I think she might have if the doc hadnt told her to take it easy.

And, yes, I am impressed with my dad. I ran a 5k a few weeks ago, and it nearly killed me.

14 07 2008

1.VV…that comment on the song is hilarious!

2. That joke reminds me of the first dirty joke that I can remembering ever hearing. I was eavesdropping on my mom and her friend and I heard this…

Marilyn Monroe dies and ends up at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says, “Marily, you’ve been a loose woman. You can’t come in. Now, what are you going to do?”

Marilyn says…”Don’t worry. I’ll get a long Peter”.
The really funny part is I didn’t have a clue what that meant. I just knew it was dirty from the way they were carrying on.

3. Your cuzzin, TrailerparkKellie was in a triathalon (msp?) this past weekend. Her part was running. She is a really fast runner. However, an unfortunate thing happened this time. She was close to the finish line when her stomach started cramping. She had to run off course and into the woods to take care of bizness. She lost 2 1/2 minutes off her time. LMAO

14 07 2008

Nothing draws people in quicker than porn!!

1. I’m thinking that it was ‘low’ – someone just spilled some coffee on her copy!!

2. That must have been one hell of a baby shower. I hope you didn’t send the mommy-to-be over the fence??

3. LOL – Here’s one for you: My husband got a tattoo on his penis that reads “USA”. When he has an erection, it reads “United States of America”. God, he loves, loves, loves telling that one!!

4. That Amy Winehouse is one scary chick…

5. You’re welcome.

6. OMG, that is really impressive but my question is WHY would you run that far!?!

15 07 2008
The Vinyl Villager

no the mommy to be served as our “umperee”

your husbands tattoo reminds me of another joke…Ill save that for next Monday though.

15 07 2008
The Rev.

I listened to a comic recently who said that, “If they took porn off the internet, there’d be only one site left –!”


15 07 2008
The Rev.

Well, I fouled up formatting on that a bit…

15 07 2008
The Vinyl Villager

I’ve heard…though I certainly can’t confirm, that porn is indeed prolific on these interwebs…

15 07 2008

I love this photo. I just hope you’re not stumbled on by the freak that commented on my other blog and accused me of being “anti-nun.” I am anti-nun, but that had nothing to do with the post. Your nun, however, looks enchantingly lascivious.

15 07 2008
The Vinyl Villager

LOL…Wendy, so far no anti-nun freak (or should I call him a pro-nun freak?)
But, I agree…she looks hilarious. I might go to church if there were nuns like her there.

16 07 2008
sista #2

That nun picture brought back scary Catholic School memories. I don’t know if I will be able to sleep tonight.


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