There! If “free online porn” doesn’t bring in the clicks, nothing will!
Just a few random comments this morning.
1. They have been playing the death out of a song called “Our Song” by Taylor Swift. There is a line in there that drives me absolutely bat shit crazy:
“when we’re on the phone and ya talk real SLOW, cause it’s late and your mama don’t know” What in hell does that mean? How is talking SLOW gonna fool mama? Will she think to herself…”heh? what’s that? is that boy on the phone past his bedtime again? aww, no. It’s someone talkin SLOW–it must be his retarded brother?”
I mean, LOW would have fit into the song just as well and made some damn sense, am I wrong?
2. My house was the setting for a baby shower turned Badminton tournament last night. Fun was had by all…and it is by the grace of a power higher than any of us that no one was shot–as many times throughout the night, someone had to vault over the fence into the elderly neighbor lady’s yard to retrieve an errant shuttlecock.
3. Four nuns die in a crash and arrive at the Pearly Gates together. St Peter says “Sisters…I know the vows you’ve taken and the lives you have led, but I have to ask each of you one question before I allow you in.”
The first sister steps forward.
“Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” St Peter asks.
Ashamed, she hangs her head, and confesses that, as a girl, she had in fact touched a penis with her finger.
“That is not much of a transgression for a whole lifetime on Earth” Peter says, “Dip that finger in this Holy Water and go on in.” She does as he asks, and walks into Heaven as the second sister steps up.
“Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” St. Peter asks her. Also ashamed, the nun hangs her head and admits that she had once touched a penis with her hand. St. Peter thinks a moment, decides it wasn’t such a bad sin to have committed, and tells the nun to dip her hand in the Holy Water and go on in.
The third nun steps up, and St. Peter asks her the same question. She turns a bright red and opens her mouth to answer.
Just then, the fourth nun interrupts.
“Now wait a damned minute. If you think I’m gonna gargle in that water after she’s had her ass in it, you’ve got another thing coming!”
4. I have been using some face “Stuff” from one of those “bored housewife pyramid scheme” companies. Its great. I pay $25 a tube…but half goes to the salesgirl, some other percentage goes to whoever got her started, and down the line. I figured it out–it actually costs them about 18 cents to make the shit…the rest of my $25 just gets split among the housewives. Anyhoo…in a truly stupid moment I forgot to wash my face with the aforementioned pyramid scheme face wash and instead just used the regular stuff. Now I look like Amy Winehouse…if this shit doesn’t clear up, Im betting the police will come busting through my front door looking for the meth lab.
5. Last week was the busiest EVER here at the Vinyl Village…thanks to all of you who stop by.
6. One more. I found out my dad ran a 50K trail run this weekend. Thats over 30 miles for those who are metric-challenged. I mean, I get tired if I DRIVE that far, there is no way in hell I could run it.