You’ve Been Left Behind!

6 06 2008

A website, claiming to be run for Christians and by Christians, is offering to send post-Rapture emails to all the sinners you’ll leave behind (up to 62 of them!) for the bargain price of only $40 per year.  My first thought was that they must keep an atheist lesbian on staff to hit “send”…but apparently it’s all automated if their workers don’t log on for three days straight.

What’s that email sent from the great beyond gonna say? “Dear Son, Having a lovely time here in Heaven. Wish you were here?” or maybe, “Is Mom still with you?” or even, “This place isn’t as nice as the brochures said, live it up!”

I’ve got a few problems with this idea. First, $40 a YEAR for this “service?” (Though they promise renewals will cost less as more suckers subscribers sign up.) Second, the whole idea assumes that post-rapture there will still be enough people around to keep the power grid up and running, the ISPs operational, and that any loved ones left behind will be going about their business as usual, checking email and such.

I started to make this post an “internet idiot” for today…but if people are actually signing up for this crap, its inventors are geniuses. If it catches on, I might start collecting money for “post-rapture” dog walking services, or “post-rapture” lawn care (who wants to leave behind untidy gardens?)

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6 responses

6 06 2008
MJ

This. Is. AWESOME.

Great find. I’ll post it to my readers (with credit to you, of course).

Great post!

6 06 2008
Jodi

How very Christian! I will take your money today, and then when you (supposedly) aren’t here to confirm it, I will send emails to all the people you weren’t a good enough Christian to convert (because that is a basic tenet of Christianity – to save all the souls you come in contact with).
And people wonder why I’m not a Christian…I prefer a faith that is more likely to have adherents who honor one another, rather than take advantage of one another…
bb
dawtch

6 06 2008
The Vinyl Villager

MJ…feel free to share anything here!

Jodi…I hadnt even thought of the “not here to confirm it” angle! Crap, I should have come up with this idea…

6 06 2008
Ken

What’s that email sent from the great beyond gonna say? “Dear Son, Having a lovely time here in Heaven. Wish you were here?”

My money’s on variations of “SIX SIXTY SIX! DON’T TAKE THE MARK!”, high-pressure altar calls, and/or “HA! HA!”.

Though what I’d like to see is Murphy’s Law come on the scene, trip their deadman’s switch, and let all the “YOU’VE BEEN LEFT BEHIND! NOW DO YOU BELIEVE ME?” Jesuspam go out all at once. Should be spectacular.

I started to make this post an “internet idiot” for today…but if people are actually signing up for this crap, its inventors are geniuses.

“Stupidity is like hydrogen; it’s the basic building block of the universe.” — Frank Zappa

And stupid people with too much money are always an exploitable resource.

If it catches on, I might start collecting money for “post-rapture” dog walking services, or “post-rapture” lawn care (who wants to leave behind untidy gardens?)

You’re too late; somebody already has offered post-Rapture pet care services. Back in the Eighties, I heard a radio interview with the editor of The Wittenburg Door, showing off his collection of “the tackiest items you find in Christian bookstores”. Top of the list was “The Critter Cross”, leaving post-Rapture instructions to your unsaved neighbors on how to care for your Fido — and how to get Saved themselves. And more recently, I heard of somebody running a pay service for the same thing.

7 06 2008
The Vinyl Villager

Ken, do you mean to say All Dogs DONT go to Heaven??

Oh well…Im always a day late on these great ideas.

9 06 2008
trailerparkbarbie

Seriously disturbing! Are you sure it’s not those nutjobs in Kansas that picket all the funerals? Fred Phelps and his bunch of looney toons?

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