Family Announces Impending Arrival of 18th Child

Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar are pregnant again. For the 18th time. I found some interesting facts on them at the Discovery Channel. They actually titled the page “Fun Facts”. I personally don’t see anything FUN about changing that many diapers…but to each his own:

• Michelle’s been pregnant for 135 months of her life.

• Average number of months between Duggar births is 18.

• Estimated number of Duggar diapers to date is 90,000.

• The Duggars do approximately 200 loads of laundry each month.

• The Duggars feed their entire brood for less than $2,000 per month.

• The only person in the Duggar family whose name doesn’t start with “J” is Mom — Michelle.

• Every Duggar child learns to play both violin and piano.

• The family organizes their household chores by assigning “jurisdictions,” so everyone knows exactly what their daily responsibilities are.

• The Duggars estimate all the family members combined have worked approximately 39,000 total hours building their new house.

• The Duggars are debt free.

Now, I don’t pretend to understand WHY anyone would want to have so many damned kids. It seems you would never get to spend enough time with any of them to have any sort of real bond. Further, I don’t understand HOW they are even able to find the time or privacy to MAKE all these babies. And 18?? The poor dear probably is at the point where she breaks wind and one just falls out. I hope she keeps up on her Kegals. They should give her a free Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation—because Im betting it looks a hot mess down there. I suppose I should offer my congrats to the happy couple–they clearly have more sex (which probably is otherwise hard to come by for a woman with a mullet and a man named Jim Bob) and money than most of us.

Isle of Lesbos Residents Suing Lesbians

What a perfect way to highlight one of my favorite Golden Girls clips!

ATHENS, Greece - A Greek court has been asked to draw the line between the natives of the Aegean Sea island of Lesbos and the world’s gay women.

Three islanders from Lesbos — home of the ancient poet Sappho, who praised love between women — have taken a gay rights group to court for using the word lesbian in its name.

One of the plaintiffs said Wednesday that the name of the association, Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece, “insults the identity” of the people of Lesbos, who are also known as Lesbians.

“My sister can’t say she is a Lesbian,” said Dimitris Lambrou. “Our geographical designation has been usurped by certain ladies who have no connection whatsoever with Lesbos,” he said.

The three plaintiffs are seeking to have the group barred from using “lesbian” in its name and filed a lawsuit on April 10. The other two plaintiffs are women.

Also called Mytilene, after its capital, Lesbos is famed as the birthplace of Sappho. The island is a favored holiday destination for gay women, particularly the lyric poet’s reputed home town of Eressos.

“This is not an aggressive act against gay women,” Lambrou said. “Let them visit Lesbos and get married and whatever they like. We just want (the group) to remove the word lesbian from their title.”

He said the plaintiffs targeted the group because it is the only officially registered gay group in Greece to use the word lesbian in its name. The case will be heard in an Athens court on June 10.

Sappho lived from the late 7th to the early 6th century B.C. and is considered one of the greatest poets of antiquity. Many of her poems, written in the first person and intended to be accompanied by music, contain passionate references to love for other women.

Lambrou said the word lesbian has only been linked with gay women in the past few decades. “But we have been Lesbians for thousands of years,” said Lambrou, who publishes a small magazine on ancient Greek religion and technology that frequently criticizes the Christian Church.

Very little is known of Sappho’s life. According to some ancient accounts, she was an aristocrat who married a rich merchant and had a daughter with him. One tradition says that she killed herself by jumping off a cliff over an unhappy love affair.

Lambrou says Sappho was not gay. “But even if we assume she was, how can 250,000 people of Lesbian descent — including women — be considered homosexual?”

The Homosexual and Lesbian Community of Greece could not be reached for comment.

People will sue over anything, won’t they?? I hear the residents of Karpetmunchia, a small Russian town, are poised to sue as well…

 

Congo Residents Fear Penis Thefts

You just can’t make up news this weird…

“KINSHASA (Reuters) - Police in Congo have arrested 13 suspected sorcerers accused of using black magic to steal or shrink men’s penises after a wave of panic and attempted lynchings triggered by the alleged witchcraft.

Reports of so-called penis snatching are not uncommon in West Africa, where belief in traditional religions and witchcraft remains widespread, and where ritual killings to obtain blood or body parts still occur.

Rumours of penis theft began circulating last week in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo’s sprawling capital of some 8 million inhabitants. They quickly dominated radio call-in shows, with listeners advised to beware of fellow passengers in communal taxis wearing gold rings.

Purported victims, 14 of whom were also detained by police, claimed that sorcerers simply touched them to make their genitals shrink or disappear, in what some residents said was an attempt to extort cash with the promise of a cure.

“You just have to be accused of that, and people come after you. We’ve had a number of attempted lynchings. … You see them covered in marks after being beaten,” Kinshasa’s police chief, Jean-Dieudonne Oleko, told Reuters on Tuesday.

Police arrested the accused sorcerers and their victims in an effort to avoid the sort of bloodshed seen in Ghana a decade ago, when 12 suspected penis snatchers were beaten to death by angry mobs. The 27 men have since been released.

“I’m tempted to say it’s one huge joke,” Oleko said.

“But when you try to tell the victims that their penises are still there, they tell you that it’s become tiny or that they’ve become impotent. To that I tell them, ‘How do you know if you haven’t gone home and tried it’,” he said. 

Some Kinshasa residents accuse a separatist sect from nearby Bas-Congo province of being behind the witchcraft in revenge for a recent government crackdown on its members.

“It’s real. Just yesterday here, there was a man who was a victim. We saw. What was left was tiny,” said 29-year-old Alain Kalala, who sells phone credits near a Kinshasa police station.”

A simple touch can make a penis shrink or disappear? I hear Clay Aiken has that same effect on men…

 

The upside I suppose is that guys who weren’t exactly blessed now have an excuse…”Sorry honey,it used to be huge, but then that damned Congo sorcerer shook hands with me…”

Man Stuck in an Elevator for Over 40 Hours

 

The above is time lapse footage of a man who was stuck in a New York Elevator for nearly two days. I can’t even imagine. I go nuts with boredom if I have to sit still for 40 minutes! The accompanying story says he was working late and went out for a smoke. He should have lit up in the elevator…maybe help would have arrived then! And what’s the point of the cameras if no one is watching them for days at a time?? 

What would you do if you were trapped like that for a weekend? I’m thinking I might get a man purse and fill it with essentials just in case this ever happens to me. You know, a fifth of vodka, a deck of cards, a flare gun.

They’ve Run Out of Movies to Make

How else can you explain this upcoming “blockbuster” from Walt Disney Pictures. I thought it was a joke, but apparently not:

I can only hope this was written during the writer’s strike…

Roseanne’s Hoo-Hoo Renew

“Comedian Roseanne Barr talked to Craig Ferguson Wednesday night and claimed to have had vaginal rejuvenation. Talking about how she’s single, Roseanne told the “Late, Late Show” host, “I went and had vaginal rejuvenation surgery. No, I did! And now I have a va-junior. And I’m not afraid to use it.”

True or just part of her stand-up routine? It’s unclear. But, she still knows how to shock and make an audience laugh.”

Well alrighty then. I didn’t even know you could have your hoo-hoo rejuvenated. (Then again, I didn’t know that you could, or would even think to want, to have your asshole bleached pink–but an aesthetician friend reports having clients requesting just that.)

Curious as to what a Hoo-Hoo Renew entailed, I visited the website of the Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Los Angeles. (Lord knows there have got to be no end of worn out hoo hoo in LA). According to them…”Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation® (LVR®) will effectively enhance the vaginal muscle tone, strength, and control. It will effectively decrease the internal and external vaginal diameters as well as build up and strengthen the perineal body (the area immediately outside the vagina and above the anus). Sexual gratification for the female is directly related to the amount of frictional forces generated. We can accomplish this with LVR®.”

 There’s even a before and after gallery located on their site, and I must say they do good work. I wonder how much a labia lift goes for?

Where I Come From, THIS is News…

 

I’m not sure whether to call this charming or sad. It was front page news in my hometown today that a TJ Maxx store had opened.  Which is worse? That it made the front page, or that over 200 people waited in the cold for the doors to open? I’m just not sure…(as always, names are removed to protect the clueless)

 “Well over 200 people waited in the cold and windy weather Sunday morning for the much-anticipated grand opening of a new T.J. Maxx store …“A female customer”, who lives not far from the shopping center, was one of the first customers in line waiting for the nation’s largest off-price retailer to open its doors.

“This is exciting,” she said. “This is the first time I’ve ever been to a T.J. Maxx store.”

The grand opening was set for 10 a.m., and she been waiting at the front of the store for about an hour when the T.J. Maxx store manager announced the doors would open a little early due to the cold and windy weather.”

Demi Moore’s Fountain Of Youth

 

From the news today: 

“ Demi Moore recently used blood-sucking leeches to “cleanse” and “detoxify,” she said during an appearance Monday on “The Late Show With David Letterman.”

“I’ve always been somebody looking for the cutting edge of things that are for optimizing your health and healing, so just a week ago I was in Austria doing a cleanse and part of the treatment was leech therapy,” she told Letterman.

“These aren’t just swamp leeches, these are highly trained medical leeches,” she said. “These are not just some low-level scavengers; we’re talking high-level blood-suckers.”

Moore said they tested a leech on her belly button before putting several others on different areas of her body. She also said the worms are a fan of a certain type of grooming.

“Leeches don’t like hair, they much prefer a Brazilian,” she said.

Moore said she came away from the treatment feeling good.

“It detoxifies your blood,” she told Letterman. “And they have a little enzyme that when they’re biting down on you, gets released into your blood and generally you bleed for quite a bit. And your health is optimized. It detoxified the blood and I’m feeling detoxified right now.”

They prefer a Brazilian?? What the hell? Exactly what part of her body needed detoxifying?? Did Ashton bring a little something home to her?

Iza Skeered a Midgets!

So it must be a slow news day, because this was front page at my local news (some bits taken out so as not to bore you). Having been to this particular McDonald’s several times, I can say that I would not be surprised at this reaction had one of the employees come around a corner and caught their own reflection in the mirror, but a “little people” phobia is a new one on me.

 “A little person says he encountered a big problem at a fast-food restaurant.

The McDonald’s customer has filed a complaint and retained a lawyer after he said that a restaurant employee screamed and ran away from him because he is a little person. Ethan Wade had made a purchase at the drive-through window of the McDonald’s, and when there was a problem with the order, he went inside. He said one counter employee made it clear that she didn’t like the way he looked. Wade said, “Young lady had her back turned to the counter and when she turned around and spotted me she threw her hands up in the air, started yelling ‘Oh, my gosh! Oh my gosh!’ and ran to the back of the restaurant, continuing to yell as she was in back of the restaurant.” Wade said that the shift manager and store manager apologized after the incident. He said the employee who screamed told a supervisor that she had a phobia of little people. And employee in the franchise office told Wade about what the woman had said. Wade said, “The employee had stated to her, ‘Imagine if you saw a snake or a spider, how would you respond?’ And that employee said she understood that. And I said, ‘That’s unbelievable. I am a human being.’ ” “How could you compare the fear of a snake and spider to a human being? That makes no sense to me,” Wade said. “I’ve seen kids kind of react like that. Understandable. But grown adults to act like that? That’s just not acceptable.” Wade said he wants to make sure all the employees at the restaurant receive disability awareness training, He said, “Little People of America is going to write a letter on my behalf stating that they do some type of disability awareness training.” According to the franchise owner’s statement, all her employees will receive additional training to ensure they serve all customers with respect. Wade said, “You can’t have a phobia of a person. I’m a human being. You can’t have that type of phobia.” Adding insult to injury, Wade said that the restaurant never corrected his order or gave him anything to compensate for it. “I haven’t even gotten anything from that yet,” he said. “You know, I was thinking a coupon or something.”

Damn! Didn’t even give the man a coupon!! What’s this world coming to?? Wonder what the lawyer he has retained will ask for? “Your honor, we feel that free apple pies for life and no more charging for extra nugget sauce will compensate my client for his pain and suffering.”

So I didn’t know that there was such a thing as a phobia of little people. I also didn’t know that, apparently, there is a whole fetish thing going on with them. Don’t believe me? Well…learn all about it the way I did! Do a google image search for “midget” (yeah, yeah, I know that term is politically incorrect) with your safe search turned off. Ya learn something new everyday.

Anybody Wanna Adopt Some Gay Roosters?

 

From an ad currently running on Petfinder.com:

 “Deciding that they were not going to adhere to normative chicken social conventions Julius and Big Daddy have chosen one another as companions. Thus, against the odds, we are seeking a rooster-savvy home where they can stay together for the rest of their days. Big Daddy is julius’ protector, and at night he roosts over Julius like a mama hen sitting on a brood of chicks! Obviously the idea of separating these guys is just too heartbreaking to even consider!
If you have the space, love and time to keep these two special roosters please contact jayna at (email and phone number redacted)”

It should probably be noted that these roosters are in Los Angeles.