Lindsay Lohan is a Coat-Napper!

From the New York Post:

“A Columbia co-ed wants to know how Lindsay Lohan ended up wearing her $11,000 blond mink coat - and is demanding the “Mean Girl” pay for the impromptu rental.

Masha Markova, 22, believed she had forever lost the prized jacket - a gift from her grandmother - while attending a private birthday party at 1Oak in the Meatpacking District in the early-morning hours of Jan. 26.

The club was closed for a friend of jet-setting playboy Stavros Niarchos, Markova said.

She added that at one point, she was seated next to Lohan, and recalled putting the mink in a common bin with other jackets.

It was gone when she prepared to leave 1Oak after an hour, Markova said.

Two weeks later, Markova flipped through the Feb. 11 edition of OK! Magazine and couldn’t believe her eyes - Lohan was photographed the night of Jan. 26 wearing the very same fur coat.

“I was actually talking on the phone to my grandmother about something else, and then I flipped through the magazine, saw the picture said, ‘I need to call you back,’ ” Markova told The Post yesterday.

“It was my coat. It was no doubt!”

The pretty co-ed said that in the ensuing days, she surfed the Internet and found several paparazzi photos of Lohan wearing the distinctive blond coat hours after the birthday party they had both attended.

Also, celebrity blogs posted pictures of the actress party-hopping that night - wearing a black coat before she arrived at 1Oak, Markova said.

Club owners vowed to get to the bottom of it, but several days passed with no call back, Markova said.

That’s when her immigration lawyer, Merrill Cohen, called Lohan’s high-powered Hollywood attorney, Blair Berke, threatening litigation.

Hours later, Markova said she heard from 1Oak.

“They were very discreet, never mentioned a name or even the word ‘coat,’ ” Markova said. “They just said, ‘We’re going to bring you something.’ ”

The coat arrived at Markova’s Morningside Heights apartment two days later.

Reeking of cigarettes and booze with a slight tear in the lining, the fur coat was no worse for wear after a dry cleaning and quick patch-up.

Still, she wants answers - and Lohan to own up to swiping her coat.

“I don’t see how it could have been an accident,” Markova said.

Markova and her lawyer stopped short of accusing Lohan of wrongdoing. But they still want her to pay at least $10,000 for the unauthorized, three-week rental.

Lohan’s spokeswoman did not return calls.

A 1Oak rep confirmed that the club delivered Markova’s fur coat back to her in February.

“I am not the coat keeper. I’m not sure where the coat was,” said club spokeswoman Lisette Sand-Freedman.

david.li@nypost.com“

 

Here’s the coat and the skank who really owns it:

 She needs to hock the coat and get some new shoes…I bet there’s a homeless woman in New York wondering where her dirty ballerina slippers went…

They’ve Run Out of Movies to Make

How else can you explain this upcoming “blockbuster” from Walt Disney Pictures. I thought it was a joke, but apparently not:

I can only hope this was written during the writer’s strike…

Roseanne’s Hoo-Hoo Renew

“Comedian Roseanne Barr talked to Craig Ferguson Wednesday night and claimed to have had vaginal rejuvenation. Talking about how she’s single, Roseanne told the “Late, Late Show” host, “I went and had vaginal rejuvenation surgery. No, I did! And now I have a va-junior. And I’m not afraid to use it.”

True or just part of her stand-up routine? It’s unclear. But, she still knows how to shock and make an audience laugh.”

Well alrighty then. I didn’t even know you could have your hoo-hoo rejuvenated. (Then again, I didn’t know that you could, or would even think to want, to have your asshole bleached pink–but an aesthetician friend reports having clients requesting just that.)

Curious as to what a Hoo-Hoo Renew entailed, I visited the website of the Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation Institute of Los Angeles. (Lord knows there have got to be no end of worn out hoo hoo in LA). According to them…”Laser Vaginal Rejuvenation® (LVR®) will effectively enhance the vaginal muscle tone, strength, and control. It will effectively decrease the internal and external vaginal diameters as well as build up and strengthen the perineal body (the area immediately outside the vagina and above the anus). Sexual gratification for the female is directly related to the amount of frictional forces generated. We can accomplish this with LVR®.”

 There’s even a before and after gallery located on their site, and I must say they do good work. I wonder how much a labia lift goes for?

Doin’ The Catwalk Crawl

I don’t know why, but I just laugh my ass off whenever someone wipes out on the catwalk. Maybe it’s because just plain funny to see ANYONE fall, ANYWHERE. But add to it that these are people who normally strut around in a state of unattainable perfection, and it becomes just fucking hilarious.

So I bring to you some side splitting catwalk crashes:

She totally disappeared!

oops!

She needs to wear flats!

And this bitch practically dives on her face:

 

I’m In Mourning

The Golden Girls are leaving Lifetime. They’ve been on that network for eons, usually airing after a dreary “battered-wife-kills-her-asshole-husband” movie. Apparently, the WE network will start airing the show…but this is still just devastating. Thank the stars I had the foresight to buy the whole damned series on DVD.

 

A Message from Mom

 

So I don’t always have the best cell phone reception in my office. Which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Apparently I missed a call from my mother this morning, because I just had a new voice mail from her that cracked me up.

 ”Hi handsome! It’s your mommy. I wanted to tell you that Madonna is on the cover of Vanity Fair this month, and I thought you’d want to go out and get yourself a copy.”

God bless her for trying.

Demi Moore’s Fountain Of Youth

 

From the news today: 

“ Demi Moore recently used blood-sucking leeches to “cleanse” and “detoxify,” she said during an appearance Monday on “The Late Show With David Letterman.”

“I’ve always been somebody looking for the cutting edge of things that are for optimizing your health and healing, so just a week ago I was in Austria doing a cleanse and part of the treatment was leech therapy,” she told Letterman.

“These aren’t just swamp leeches, these are highly trained medical leeches,” she said. “These are not just some low-level scavengers; we’re talking high-level blood-suckers.”

Moore said they tested a leech on her belly button before putting several others on different areas of her body. She also said the worms are a fan of a certain type of grooming.

“Leeches don’t like hair, they much prefer a Brazilian,” she said.

Moore said she came away from the treatment feeling good.

“It detoxifies your blood,” she told Letterman. “And they have a little enzyme that when they’re biting down on you, gets released into your blood and generally you bleed for quite a bit. And your health is optimized. It detoxified the blood and I’m feeling detoxified right now.”

They prefer a Brazilian?? What the hell? Exactly what part of her body needed detoxifying?? Did Ashton bring a little something home to her?

Why Won’t She Just Go Away??

Paris Hilton, famous for no apparent reason, just won’t go away. I can’t understand her mystique. You can find better looking gals at any Wal Mart. Her sex tape was nothing to write home about. She can’t sing or act. And now, she has a line of shoes out.

I hope they make these in size 12 and up, because I can’t see anyone other than a camp drag queen actually spending money on these! Coming soon to a Ross Dress for Less near you, I present the Paris Hilton shoe line:

I’m Betty White, Bitch

I hope I’m that spunky when I’m 86!