I had a hard time finding a Mothers Day card for mama…and Hallmark really ought to create a line for people like me. All the cards spoke in eloquent tones about a mother being someone who could be counted on, who made sacrifices for her children. I really needed one that said, in veiled terms, “You are and always have been a self absorbed psycho, but somehow I turned out ok, so Happy Mothers Day.” (Naturally, Hallmark’s writers could draft more poetic words, and print them on a bucolic background.)
I think the wind has been knocked from Mama’s Mary Kay sales. I should have seen it coming. Whether its a job (yes, she has had a few over the years, never for very long.), schooling (she started and dropped out of nursing school three or four times when I was a kid, but has never let it get beyond “talking” about it since.), or a hobby, Mama just doesn’t stick with anything (other than an unhealthy relationship) for very long.
Regulars will recall that I ordered a few items from Mama about two and a half months ago. I’ve still not received them. The excuses have been, in no particular order, 1. people mowing their grass at the trailer park have made her a prisoner in Kennys home, as leaving the trailer will apparently result in fatal allergy attacks. 2. A change in one of her many medications laid her flat for the better part of two weeks., 3. A kidney stone paralyzed her for another two weeks, 4. a headache prevented her going to the post office for 5 or 6 more days, and finally, 5. taking my grandmother to the grocery store requires three or 4 days rest. You’ll note that, while she has been unable between all these unfortunate incidents to find her way to the post office, she has been able to make it to about a dozen doctors visits provided by Senor Taxpayer, and no doubt has cashed all three checks the gubment has sent her for disability since my order. When I suggested that she join the rest of us in the real world, where a sniffle and a headache were not cause to stay home for weeks, she started crying (the emotional sting of my words no doubt put her to bed for a weekend.
I’d planned to make a visit to WV for Mothers Day weekend, but work obligations prevented it. So Mama woke up on Mothers Day (which fell on her birthday this year) without any gifts. I’ll get around to sending one, but does anyone blame me if its a little late?