New Carols for the Mentally Ill

Well, Mama spent a few weeks in the nuthouse recently. I think she must have one of those timeshares, because she goes back to the same one for a week or two every year. Apparently, the ambulance (who Mama has on speed dial) took her to the hospital with “blood pressure so high she was about to stroke out”.

They determined it was due to anxiety and depression. (No doubt brought on by her high pressure life. The poor thing just needs a break! Won’t anybody help her??) They gave her some new mood stablizers, a little something for anxiety, and, since surgery seems to risky, something stronger for the pain in her back. (Pain stemming, apparently, from when she broke her tailbone 30 years ago.) Mmmmkay, Christmas ought to be interesting. Though, of course, it’s time to lay odds as to which malady she will come up with on Christmas morning so as not to have to attend any family functions. 3 to 1 she’ll go with the old “migraine” standby, but diahrea has good odds too.

Anyhoo…they taught Mama some new carols at the Appalachian Mental Resort and Spa that I thought you all might enjoy:

1. Schizophrenia — Do You Hear What I Hear? *

2. Multiple Personality Disorder — We Three Kings Disoriented Are … *

3. Dementia — I Think I’ll be Home for Christmas *

4. Narcissistic — Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me *

5. Manic — Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and Stores and Office and Town and Cars and Buses and Trucks and… Trees and….. *

6. Paranoid — Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me *

7. Borderline Personality Disorder — Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire *

8. Personality Disorder — You Better Watch Out, I’m Gonna Cry, I’m Gonna Pout, Maybe I’ll Tell You Why *

9. Attention Deficit Disorder — Silent night, Holy oooh look at the Froggy – can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away? *

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder — Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

Which one will you be singing?

I Wouldn’t Be Surprised….

Coincidence? I doubt it. You know what they say about homophobes. Somewhere, some part-time drag queen has probably heard Rick whisper “I wish I knew how to quit you.”

 

Cartoon Wisdom

A few good ones I’ve collected over the past few weeks. Thought I’d work them into a real post, but alas, that ain’t gonna happen today friends.