Let’s Start a Tally

22 11 2011

Mama has fallen silent the past few days. My nerves needed the rest, but I figured it meant one of a few things: she was in the hospital, wrapped up in a new man, or down at Kenny’s camp where cell phone reception is non existent.

Well, she was in the hospital. Taken there, naturally, by an ambulance. This is the third time that an ambulance has carried her to the hospital for a few overnight stays since Labor Day. I figured, just for shits and giggles, I could start a tally. From this past Labor Day til next, just how many trips will the ole gal take to the hospital? Just how many tax dollars will be spent ferrying her across town every time her head hurts or last night’s dinner makes her tummy rumble. Three so far, and I doubt we can make it through the year without that number moving into double digits.

 





Here We Go…

1 11 2011

Mama was “done” with Kenny again last week. She sent him to the grocery store and he didn’t get whatever it was she asked for, and that was the icing on the cake. She packed up her car and ran back to her hoarding hovel. But she still had Kenny’s house key. Now, any normal person might have left it under the mat, taken it back to him later that night, or called and asked him to come by for it. But you know by now that none of those were going to be Mama’s tactic.

I told him I’d take it to the deputy sheriffs office and he could get it there!”

Jesus Christ. Why in hell would you waste the police departments time for that  nonsense?”

“It ain’t wasting their time, he’s gotta go there to get it.”

That’s ridiculous. Just take it to him or call him to come and get it.”

“I reckon I could. I ain’t even gotten my stuff outta my car yet. ” (this three days after she came home.) “Just been too tard.”

Fast forward to today. One can safely bet that the stuff is still in the car and Mama is still in possession of the key.

“Kenny took my car out there to get inspected.”

“I thought you were done with him.”

“Oh I am.”

“Then why did you have him do that?”

“He offered.”

“Thats beside the point. If you’re really “done” you shouldn’t have had him do that.”

“He wanted to. He knew I’d be stranded out here once it expired.”

Stranded?? Why didn’t you just do it yourself?”

I’m wearin my fleece pajamas!”

“What in hell does that have to do with anything?”

You ever had any? they are so comfortable!”

No. I haven’t.”

“Well what do you sleep in?”

“Buck ass naked. Now why couldn’t you take your own car to be inspected?”

Well he offered.”

“Ok, I gotta get back to work. Bu-bye.”








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