Facebook Annoys Me

28 05 2011

Actually, the site doesn’t bother me, but a good number of it’s users do. And for specific reasons….in no particular order these are:

1. Couples who have the same facebook account. I see this a lot. None of my friends have this, thank God. I would give them a stern talking to. I can almost understand it with old couples…but just today one of my suggested friends was “ChuckandMelanie Jones” (does Facebook require their first names to be runtogether in that fashion?) who couldn’t have been more than 25. Get your own damn facebook account. Just because you are joined as one in marriage does not mean you are joined as one on the interwebs, ok?

2. People who use their child’s picture as their facebook profile shot. I’m not against seeing pics of people’s kids. I actually like that people share all sorts of family shenanigans on facebook. But if someone from your past does a search for you, how are they going to know if you’re the Tammy Johnson they seek when all that stares back at them is a drooling infant? When your kids turn 13, they can get their own account. Until then, they should  not be featured ALONE in a profile picture. I’m totally fine with pics of people holding their children, and if you added a new bumpkin THIS WEEK, it’s acceptable to have them as your profile, otherwise, that little bundle of joy standing in as you says to me that being a parent has sucked any sense of self you had right out of you.

3. Nonsense middle names. This seems to be popular among young wanna-be urban types. “Sarah DisBadBitch Williams”. Unless it appears on your birth certificate, nonsense middle names are just that–nonsense. A friend recently observed that most of these kid’s faux-middle names sound like the title of a bad eighties sitcom. “Jerome WhosTheBoss Franklin” is no doubt already on Facebook.

4. Duck-face self portraits. Another popular one among teen girls. Nothing screams low self esteem to me louder than some poor wench who has no doubt worn down the battery on her prepaid cell phone taking duck faced self portraits. Big lips look good on Angelia Jolie, girls. When you stick yours out you’re just advertising to the world that you are low class and on the fast track to loserdom.

5. Hand symbols. Another one that is the province of young people, though I’ve seen my share of douche bags of all ages doing it. If someone says cheese, what is it in these people that takes that as a sign to flash a peace sign, some butchered gang symbol, or any other sort of hand origami? The hand symbol boys ought to find themselves a little duck faced girl and start planning  their minimum-wage lives together, because I have a feeling that is exactly what they are headed for. Future litigants on Judge Judy, you can mark my words.

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17 responses

28 05 2011
Tammy

My daughter and her friends do that duck face pose all the time! I guess teens think it’s cute! I agree with the profile picture! Please post a picture of yourself, that way I can know if I’m stalking, uh I mean friending the right person, hahaha!

1 06 2011
The Vinyl Villager

Oh please make her stop!! Do your part to end this madness!

1 06 2011
noe noe girl

I heard on the news this morning of a couple who have set up a FB page for their unborn daughter. For the love of Pete!! What next??

1 06 2011
The Vinyl Villager

oh good lord. Ive known people who had facebook pages for their cats. If a living creature is unable to log itself on, it does not need a facebook page.

3 06 2011
alyson

I have many reasons for hating facebook, and I intend to write my own post about it, but one of them is that you often get TMI. For example, my 20 year old stepson has a rule of thumb for performing oral sex on a girl, a little rhyme, if you will, and I read it on his facebook page, and I DID NOT need to know that. Not at all.

5 06 2011
Judy S

Before I accepted my kids’ friend requests, I insisted that they agree to institute stringent privacy rules in regard to certain types of posts, because I was not going to put up with TMI. I don’t want to know what they did at the party last night, I don’t want details of their relationships, I really don’t want to see their conversations with certain ones of their ‘friends’, and they know that I will de-friend them if anything I am allowed to see on my news feed makes me feel like throwing up.
I think I would have thought seriously about gouging my eyes out with the nearest spoon after reading something like that. You have my condolences.

6 06 2011
The Vinyl Villager

Ewww…if any of my relatives are doing that sort of thing they have wisely protected the information so I cant see it. Alyson, you have my sympathy. But I am curious as to what the rhyme is?

Judy…sounds like you had it well thought out ahead of time!

6 06 2011
alyson

Judy: I agree. He friended me, but this boy just doen’t have a filter at all. His page isn’t private, and I ofter worry that he will lose his job eventually over stuff he posts on there, but being 20 years old an knowing everything, he doesn’t listen to me.

And VV, since you asked…..if it smells like fish, grab a dish, if it smells like cologne, leave it alone. I think I vomited a little just typing it.

8 06 2011
The Vinyl Villager

hmmm I would think the reverse would be true…

12 06 2011
alyson

I know, right. But seriously, that’s what he said……Ugh.

16 06 2011
The Vinyl Villager

there’s no accounting for taste.

15 06 2011
The Girl from the Ghetto

Oh, how I agree with everything you’ve written. I hate Facebook, but I’m forced to stay on because of my book reviews. I laughed when I heard 6 million people in the US left Facebook last month.

My girls and I did a group duck shot once, to make fun of all their own kids. Who in the hell started that trend? We shamed the tweens and teens by posting it as all our profile pics and leaving nerdy mom comments all over their wall.

What about planking pictures? Someone died in Michigan lately because of a stupid planking pose. All for a cool Facebook photo? What a joke …

16 06 2011
The Vinyl Villager

Ive been so tempted to take my own duckfaced picture. But I think the humor would be lost on those who need it most. One of my younger cousins just changed his status to “in a relationship” with a girl who is duckfaced in every single profile picture, and in half of them flashing some sort of hand symbol. I hope he brings her to the next family function so I can see if my impressions of her are true.

15 06 2011
margeauxj

Along with the baby profile pictures, people use pictures of their dogs, cats, grandparents, houses, celebrities they look like, inanimate objects, and of course cartoon creation look-alikes. Kill me. Kill me now.

16 06 2011
The Vinyl Villager

It drives me a lil crazy!! Glad to see you back around!

26 06 2012
jake clark

This is the most truth I’ve seen in a long time, don’t get me wrong but the whole duck face shit just makes them girls lokk like they have a d*** in there mouths what’s the point inless your a damn porn star leave the duck face in the bedroom!

8 08 2012
You’re So Vain - Dina Runs

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