Needful Things

I’ve wanted one of these classic Mercedes since they were available new off the showroom floors. I think both represent some of the last timelessly beautiful automobiles ever built. From time to time, I run across  a low-mileage, showroom condition one for sale online…generally at a fairly reasonable price. There’s hope yet to have one of these!

First, the Mercedes S-class (model designation W126) was the top of the line from 1979 til 1991.  I think it’s just as handsome now as it was then.

And for those Sunday drives, I’d love a classic Mercedes SL convertible. This basic body style, designated as the R107, had a tremendously long run–from 1971 to 1989. A crisp white one would probably be my first pick, followed closely by a silver blue one with a dark blue top, but it’s an elegant car in any color.

Pullin’ Out the Soapbox on Health Care

For years now, there’s been a lot of buzz about health care. We all know that health care costs are out of control. Few of us think that the way things are done now is the best way…but there is no consensus on what would make it better.

I’m very lucky. I have always been covered by excellent health care policies that have affordable copays, fairly low deductables, and when I need a doctor, I don’t have to think twice about seeing one. When I get those EOBs from the insurance company, or statements from a health care provider, I am reminded just how lucky I am. I know that far too many people aren’t able to get the kind of care I do.

The idea of “socialized” (I hate that word, so overused and catchphrasy now) medicine sounds good and noble. Every country that has such a plan is healthier than the USA in just about any measurable way (life span, infant mortality, etc.) The reality, though, is that it’s an idea destined to turn into yet another in a long line of government boondoggles. Imagine a DMV-like experience everytime you get the flu. Government has a way of turning everything into an overly-complicated, overpriced, maze of regulations, paperwork, and headache. There’s much buzz about “rationing” and “waiting lists” in countries that have national health care…but the jury is still out on those as far as I’m concerned…much of what I read from citizens in those countries is positive, and such negative examples seem to be the exception latched on to for maximum “boogey man” effect by those who don’t want to see such plans here in the USA.

I think it’s pretty much universally accepted that prevention is better all around than a cure. If we can nip something minor in the bud before it turns into a more serious illness, not only is quality of life improved, but it lowers health care costs. So many low income people use emergency rooms as their doctor’s office. It is the most inefficient use of medical dollars imaginable. If they can’t pay (and the doctors I know inform me that 90 percent of them can’t) the hospital has to write it off. (Or, in other words, pass those costs on to those of us who can pay.) It just makes good sense to give everyone access to preventative care…I get that.

I don’t know if this is how things are done nationwide or not, but here in South Carolina, folks who are eligible for Medicaid now have the ability to sign up with a handful of private insurers. I think, but don’t know, that this is relatively new, because I’ve only recently noticed these private Medicaid providers advertising. And I heard one ad this morning that made my blood boil. Basically, this policy provides unlimited, zero copay doctor’s appointments. Great, this is in line with getting early and preventative care. I don’t begrudge that. It also pays for bi-annual oral exams, cleanings, fillings, and minor extractions. Well, OK, but I’ve read in reputable journals that people with good oral health could really get by with a once a year cleaning. Still, I won’t begrudge that.

But what does start to get my ire up is that this Medicaid plan also pays for contact lens fittings, and for the lenses themselves, including disposables. (Something that none of my top-notch insurance plans have EVER covered even in part.) Does it make me a bad person to think that folks relying on the government for their health care needs can make do just fine with a less expensive glasses exam and a nice pair of spectacles?

But what pushed me over the edge is that this plan offers pregnant women and new moms “gift card rewards” for KEEPING THEIR APPOINTMENTS. They get paid to keep appointments that aren’t costing them a dime! Ok, prenatal care is important. Newborn care is important. I get all that. But if it’s already being provided for FREE, how in the world can “gift card rewards” be justified??

As usual, I don’t have any answers, but this is an issue we will be hearing a lot more about. It’s one I think we all need to research and stay informed on. The current way of doing things isn’t working, but whatever changes happen must make the situation better, not worse.

Search Term Saturdays

Someone stumbled here looking for “white senator abs” and I can almost guarantee that they were trying to find out all about Illinois Congressman Aaron Schock. I know this because my honey and the youthful Congressman have the same alma mater, and it was big news in my house when a fellow graduate got sent to Capitol Hill at the tender age of 27. Anyway it was big news a week or so ago when some reporter asked the baby faced lawmaker if he or President Obama had better abs. Pitiful that any reporter thinks that is a newsworthy question, but for the searcher who wound up here, I believe this is what you were looking for:

No clue who the big-bosomed gal is trying to give the junior Congressman a concussion, but the picture above should give everyone something to drool over. And yes, I know this search term Saturday is happening on a Monday, but it’s only now that my head has cleared from the wine-induced haze of the weekend.

Monday Morning Mish Mash

1. It was a wedding weekend that took us to a small town in Tennessee to see two friends tie the knot. It was a great ceremony, followed by a blast of a reception. We got to town early, taking a leisurely drive through the mountains, and decided to get a bottle of wine to enjoy pre-wedding. (Nothing like gettin’ buzzed to go to church!). I’m going to assume that Tennessee has some law about selling wine and liquor in grocery stores…because the one we stopped at had the longest beer aisle I’ve ever seen but nary a bottle of wine in sight. I asked a manager who was walking through if they had any vino. “Not much.” he said, “But let me show you what we do have.”  I’m not too picky about wine, so figured as long as they had a Pinot Noir I was gonna be good to go. But I’m sure I was totally unable to keep my jaw off the floor when the manager flicked from the fridge case a bottle of Boone’s Farm Strawberry Hill, and laid it on his forearm like he was presenting a bottle of something rare and wonderful. Luckily, there was a wine shop around the corner.

2. And the wine flowed freely the rest of the day. We polished off a bottle in the room…and I lost count at glass 8 at the reception. Needless to say, I was a wee bit intoxicated. And let me just offer a tidbit of advice. When staying in a hotel, particularly if you are going to be drinking, familiarize yourself with the layout of the hotel. You never know when you might need to find the nearest exit. But more importantly, you want to know the path to the bathroom lest you walk your naked ass out into the hallway in the middle of the night. (yes, I did)

3. Since everyone (if my search engine stats are an indication) enjoys a good fart story, check this one out: 8th grader suspended for farting on the bus. The driver complained: “Jonathan passes gas on the bus to make the other children laugh and it is so stink [sic] that you can’t breathe after he does it.” Wow, farting on command..impressive!  Rather than suspend the poor pooting passenger, maybe they should have just insisted he take some Beeno.

4. And in other news that will make the search engines quiver with joy: a British teenager painted a giant penis on the roof of his parent’s country estate. He apparently did it as a practical joke for Google Earth…but it was on the roof of the house for over a year before his parents even learned about it. Pretty damned funny if you ask me…imagine finding out that you’ve been sleeping under a giant penis for a year. (a dream come true for some?) His parents don’t seem in much of a rush to remove it…they say they’ll make him scrub it off when he gets home from his travels.

5. So it looks like Madonna is trying to add another Malawian baby to her collection. I’ve got a mixed bag of feelings regarding these globe-trotting baby collection celebrities. I applaud their desire to help these kids…but aren’t there kids right here that need it just as much? There was some blather on the news this morning that basically raised the question of whether Madonna should get to adopt because now she is single. There are probably 100 reasons why this particular woman might not be an ideal candidate–but because she is single?? Come on! I found it completely insulting to all the single parents out there to suggest this kid would be better off sleeping on a floor mat in Malawi versus being adopted into a *gasp* single parent home. Maybe that’s why they go abroad…everyone I know who has tried adopting in the US goes through the most ridiculous crap to get approved.

Let’s Purge

The English language constantly evolves. One generation’s “groovy” is the next generation’s “rad” and the next generation’s “sick”. Our culture, likewise, seems to come in waves. Hippies, punks, yuppies, preps, goths, and alternatives  have all had  their day in the sun.

Thankfully, these fads seem to by cyclical…they enjoy a few years at the forefront, account for the sale of bumper stickers, coffee mugs, and touristy t-shirts, and then our culture purges them from it’s conscious.

Well, it’s time  to take a big ole Cultural Ex Lax cause there is some shit that needs to be flushed.

“-gate” This tendency to append “gate” to any scandal is over. It made sense the first go around, because the Nixon administration got into hot water for robberies at the WATERGATE hotel. But since then, a person can’t skip out on a parking meter without having a “gate” thrown at them. Wiki has a whole list of “gates” from Fajitagate to Travelgate. Unless a scandal involves an actual damned “gate”, can we  just toss this little habit in the crapper?

And how about “drinking the Kool Aid?” The reference to the 1978 mass suicides at Jonestown is clear–anyone who has “drank the Kool-Aid” is being brainwashed, led astray, or fallen under the spell of something, and the connotation is that it’s something sinister. But it’s just become so overused. People are accused of drinking the Kool-Aid of politicians, brand names, websites, diet trends, you name it. When I hear Kool Aid all I want to think about is this guy:

But this cultural c0lon cleansing isn’t over yet…oh no! One of the gossip blogs I read has, for months now, called for an end to the overused habit of going “over the moon!” People are over the moon in love, over the moon for movies, CDs, babies, dogs, shoes…you name it. Unless you’re on a damned space ship, please don’t tell us you are over the moon!

But our cultural bowels will not be clear until we also drop the “Get R Done” turd. While we are at it, let’s drop “here’s your sign”, “you might be a *insert something here*”, or anything else that has it’s origins on the Blue Collar Comedy tour. Look, those guys are funny…and their catch phrases might have been hilarious ten years ago, but “Get R Done” is DONE! Pull off the bumper stickers, toss the t-shirts, and for the love of Webster’s dictionary, don’t say it!

I know this list is nowhere near comprehensive, but getting rid of these phrases would have me over the moon! It would at least be a start on clearing up this Vocabularygate mess…and I urge each of you not to drink this cultural Kool Aid. With your help, we can get r done!

50 Random Things

Here’s a fun little meme which any of you are welcome to steal! (Perfect for a case of writer’s block, which I’ve got this week)

1) Favorite object in your room?
The antique chair that my grandmother bought for my great grandparents.

2) Do you smoke?
I’ve been known to.

3) Do you own guns?
No. I’d blow my foot off..or be home sick one day and shoot the landscaper.

4) What flavor do you add to your drink at sonic?
I get those fruity things…with strawberries and stuff. I don’t recall what the proper name for them is.

5) Do you get nervous at the doctors?
No, not usually. I have dread if I know I’ve got to be sliced, diced, or punctured in anyway, but not nervous.

6) What do you think of when you hear hot dogs?
lips and assholes.

7) Favorite song?
Can’t pick just one…but some of my all time favorites are Vogue by Madonna, Islands in the Stream by Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton, and Bust a Move by Young M.C.

8.) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Coffee.

9) Can you do push ups?
not many…but yes.

10) Can you do a chin up?
I probably could do two.

11) What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?
I don’t really have any. (strong hints for bling have gone ignored too long). But I do have a ring that my sister gave me years ago that I wear sometimes.

12) Your pet peeves are?
We don’t really have all day do we? I guess my biggest one is people who drive in the left lane for miles even when they are being passed on the right….oblvious to the fact that they ought to move over.

13) Ever been in a car wreck?
Not today…but many, many times befoe.

14) Do you like to work on your Birthday?
I don’t like to work at all. LOL! Not completely true…but I usually take my birthday off.

15) What’s one trait that you hate about yourself?
I’d like a new nose. Is my nose a trait?

16) Are you named after anyone?
My middle name is probably after one of my uncles.

17) Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment.
Im hungry.
I wish I could take a nap.
I need to remember this song and get it on iTunes.

19) Name 3 drinks you drink regularly
water, coffee, and Coke

20)What’s your job?
lately, putting lipstick on pigs.

21) Current hate right now?
the person who dented my car (and, subsequently, my wallet)

23) Do your friend’s love you?
most of the time, when they aren’t wanting to strangle me.

23) How did you bring in the New Year?
had dinner with friends and then came home and watched the ball drop, it was low key.

24) Where would you like to be right now?
In bed!

25) Name three people who will complete this.
No idea.

26) Are you one of those people that thinks and talks about their life being unfair?
No, and I usually can’t stand those people. Most of us are only victims of our own bad choices.

27) What shirt are you wearing?
a shirt from the Gap. (that Jason has one just like!)

28) Do you like sleeping on satin sheets?
No, they slide off. You slide off. The pillows slide off.

29) Can you whistle?
Yes I can

32) What songs do you sing in the shower?
I dont sing in the shower.

33) Favorite girl’s name?
Suzie Belle. (just kidding)

34) Favorite boy’s name?
hell if I know…

35) What’s in your pocket?
my phone

36) Last person that made you laugh?
I don’t know that I’ve laughed in a few days…

37) Best toy as a child?
Match Box cars, Lincoln logs (or any building toys)

39) Do you love where you live?
I like it. I don’t LOVE it.

40) Do you give good advice?
I try.

41) Who is your loudest friend?
we can all get loud at times…I couldn’t call anyone particularly loud.

43) Does someone have a crush on you?
not that I’m aware of. Come forth if you do.

44) Favorite part about your weekend?
the last weekend was a wonderful do-nothing weekend…sleeping in, naps, and general relaxation.

45) What are you gonna do for your next birthday?
Hard to tell.

46) Favorite sports team?
Obviously, the person writing these questions didn’t know me.

48) Where is the next place you want to travel to?
the beach!

49) What were you doing 12 AM this morning?
laying in bed watching Frasier.

50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Get movin’ or you’ll miss the shuttle at the dealership.

Monday Morning Mish Mash

1. Someone dinged my car yesterday. I know it was yesterday because I cleaned water spots off the car before I pulled it out of the garage, and it was perfect. I made a few stops and at one of them some punk ass hit my back fender with their door. Is it really so hard to get in and out of your car without slamming your door into the car next to you? And from the height of the dent, Id say it had to be a friggin’ Hummer or something. If you insist on driving a car that doesn’t fit into a normal parking space, then do the rest of the world a favor and don’t shove yourself into a spot that only leaves 3 inches between the cars. Thankfully, my dealership does this paintless dent repair thats super cheap and pretty amazing—and it should come as a surprise to no one who knows me that the appointment to have this blemish repaired has already been made.

2. While my car was probably being dinged, I was having a sandwich at a little cafe that is a popular spot for people to bring their laptops, books, etc. and just lounge for hours. The ladies at the table next to me were obviously students of medicine or nursing because they were studying VERY LOUDLY. Now, I know they were probably immune to such talk, but really…I did NOT need a lesson on how bacterial infections occur whilst munching my chicken salad sandwich.

3. My little brother celebrated his 18th birthday this past weekend. Congratulations to dad and stepmom for ushering the last of their children into the age of majority. It’s seems like just yesterday that he was forcing us all into watching Thomas the Tank Engine, we were playing demolition derby in the hallway(how many times did I rebuild a K’nex dragster??), and he was crawling under the table at every restaurant we went to to dirty his diaper. (what the hell was it that was relaxing about being under a table??) It’s rare that a kid can get to that age without ever getting into trouble unless they are simultaneously the biggest dork in the world–but he has managed.

4. I had a wonderfully lazy weekend. I did absolutely nothing and loved it! That’s not entirely true. The Easter Bunny (AKA my outlaws) sent The Price is Right game for the Wii. And I played the hell out of that…much to my dismay, I am not very good at it,  but I did manage to win a Chevy once. It looks like something that would be a lot more fun with a group of friends than the one-player mode I was on…Wii party anyone?

Swish and Flick!

On my list of “needful things” are quite a few pieces of pop culture memoribilia–autographs, scripts, etc. Well, one of those needs was fulfilled this week!

I’m a huge fan of Harry Potter–I’ve read all the books (including the mini Tales of Beedle the Bard), seen all of the movies (and anxiously await the new one) and even own all the ones that are out on DVD already.

So you can imagine how pleased I was to learn that an old friend of mine works for Alivan’s–a company that sells all things Harry Potter. And when I say all things, I mean it! You can get books, robes, wands, brooms, even Bertie  Bott’s Beans (not sure if they have the booger flavored ones from the books though).

Anyway, I got my own little piece of Harry Potter memorabilia delivered this week–a yew wand. Now, resist the temptation to call me a dork (I’ve already heard that this week). It’s really neat–I’m kind of amazed at the craftsmanship–each wand is hand made, and smooth as butter. The grain of the wood is really beautiful. It arrived at my office, and entertained all of us for a while.

So if you, or your little wizards, are fans of Harry Potter, I’d recommend checking out Alivan’s offerings, it’s really cool stuff!

Wake Me When…

Enough already!

I don’t care about the damned AIG bonuses. It’s less than one tenth of a percent of the money we gave them. Yep, it’s an outrage. Yep, I’d LOVE to find a job that would reward me for running a company into the ground with millions in bonuses. Yep, I’d like to string the folks who got those bonuses up by their high-priced undies, cover ‘em in honey, and then drop ‘em on an anthill. But I don’t want to hear anymore about it.

Wake me when someone has an idea for making that company profitable again. Since I, Mr. Taxpayer, now own 80 percent of it, I’ll be looking forward to the day it’s stocks are once again worth $60 a share.

Enough already!

I don’t care if Octomommy went to Walgreen’s. I don’t care if she went shopping for a layette or 14. I don’t care if Angelina is her idol, if she paid for those ridiculous lips with a foodstamp, and I can just about guess what her neighbor’s think of the latest family on their block, so I don’t need Inside Edition to bring me a special on their reactions.

Wake me when whatever doctor it is who decided to implant 8 embryos into a welfare mom with 6 kids has his license yanked. Or nudge me if she comes out with a new stretch-mark cream cause you know her stomach looks like a map of the Mississippi watershed.

Enough already!

I no longer care for guesses and speculation. It is not newsworthy to report when someone THINKS the recession might end. It’s not worth a headline to tell us what someone guesses MIGHT happen, MAY occur, or COULD be the case. If I want to hear a bunch of crap I’ll call up Lady Cleo.

Wake me when someone actually knows something.

Enough already!

I know it’s refreshing to have a young family in the White House. But I no longer care if the Obamas get a swingset. I’ve heard all I need to about the puppy that will one day poop on the rug of the Lincoln Bedroom. I don’t care if the First Lady wears a pantsuit or a Pull Up. We get it! They’re just like us, only richer, more powerful, and not worried about losing their jobs for at least three more years.

Wake me when everything he is doing actually starts working. If it doesn’t work, just let me sleep.

Enough already!

I don’t need a breaking stock market report anymore. We all know it’s up and down more than a Whack-a-Mole game lately.

Just wake me when I can open my investment statements without a box of tissues and a nerve pill handy.

Enough already!

Stop giving these talentless starlets attention! I don’t give a damn if Lindsay Lohan is into the hole or the pole today. I won’t lose any sleep if I’m not up to date on her arrest record. We already know Paris Hilton is a class-free dumpster slut. It’s no longer “news” that she’s sleeping with someone, that she bought a tacky new car, and I sure don’t care what her opinions are on current events.

Wake me when one of these “ladies” displays talent that deserves our attention.

Husky is Only Cute If You’re a Dog

One advantage (or disadvantage, depending on the day) of living hundreds of miles away from my family is that months at a time often pass between seeing my relatives. My quick weekend visits, though somewhat frequent, never allow me enough time to see everyone that I would like. So, it’s not uncommon for me to only see some folks at the holidays or during the dreaded family reunion.

It has long been my goal to make sure no one at home tells me that “I look healthy” when I visit. “You look healthy,” as we all know, means “damn, you never met a donut you didn’t like.”  I generally hover around 170 pounds, a decent weight to carry on my 5′-11″ frame. But in high school, and throughout most of college, I was a good twenty pounds lighter. At the time, I actually TRIED to gain weight because I thought I looked too thin.

With the end of college came a career that had my ever-expanding ass plopped in front of a computer screen 9 plus hours a day. And it brought with it a paycheck that allowed me to eat out whenever I pleased, and a circle of friends just as busy as I was–all eager to squeeze in some social time with their meals.

So, I beefed up. Well, beef might be a generous term…it implies that my weight gain was muscle. And it certainly wasn’t.

“You look great!”  people back  home would say. “You’ve gained some weight! It looks healthy on you!” Most everyone thought the extra weight looked good on me, or were at least too polite to say otherwise.

Everyone, that is, except for our Nana. One Christmas I hauled my 180-some pound ass into her house and was promptly greeted with, “My, you look husky!”  HUSKY!! Our beloved, stick-thin, Nana, who insists on serving you a minimum of 1,000 calories for every ten minutes spent in her home, thought I was fat. She quickly back pedaled, assuring me that I looked great…and has, to this day, continued to apologize for what she swears was meant to be a compliment.

But that was a wake up call. (Well, that coupled with catching a glimpse of myself coming out of the shower the next week and realizing that my ass looked like it had hail damage). I dropped 20 pounds the next year, stepping up my exercise and watching what I ate.

The next year at Christmas, people asked if I was eating. If I was getting my vitamins. No one told me I looked “healthy” and no one damn sure said I was “husky.”