I Need a Blackberry!

I’ve decided I really need a Blackberry. It will help me stay in touch and on top of such important emails as these, which sat waiting in my inbox while I was out of town last weekend.

 “Try date ca noow, you get:

* Freee to - contactt meembers
* Free to - receeive and readd e-mails from memmbers
* Freee to - reply to e-maills frrom meembers
* Free to - creaate youur own personality profile
* Freee to - use the compatibility matchiing system and view photos
* No crredit card requiredd”

Whooo…thank goodness! I don’t think I have any crredit cards! But I am anxious to see the other meembers.

“Looking to buy your partner or loved one a beautiful gift?

Or maybe just to reward yourself with a gift for once?

We have over 5000 Replica products in stock ranging from Rolex,
Cartier and Breitling watches, to Gucci and Louis Vuitton Bags at
heavily discounted prices!”

Nothing says love like faux-Louis! And to think, when I’m not in front of my computer, Im missing out on all of this!

“Ameerica’s Favoriite Colonn Cleanse!
Try Coloon MD! 
Colon MD provides the purest cleansing ingredients, accompaanied by strong deetoxifying ageents, to fight inner body bacteria buiildup. “

I’ve been thinking my coloon seemed awfully dirty!

“be my friend jane21sonic@hotmail.com is my msm screenname you are awesome”

Why, yes I am, Jane. But no, I won’t be your friend. See, if I had a Blackberry, I wouldn’t have had to leave the poor girl hanging all weekend! 

“Order Raw Sluts and Get No Limits for Free! Hurry! Offer expires this week!”

See, with a Blackberry I could have placed that order! But, really, Raw Sluts just aren’t worth ordering if you don’t get No Limits for free…

“Get a compliimentary Chocolattee & Cofffe Lover’’s Dream Gift Set!
 Retail vallue of $44.. Yours $12.955 plus S&H
 - Chocolatte cherryy celeebration Cofffee
- Double Mochha Dream Coccoa
- Bolero Milk Chocolate Coovered Vaanilla Wafers”

Oh I hope that sale is still going on! I love chocolate, and I bet I’ll like chocolattee even more!

And if I had a Blackberry, I wouldn’t have to come up with an “out of office” auto reply like these:

Best ‘Out of Office’ Automatic Email Replies

1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to

you if I fail to get the position. Please be prepared for my mood.

2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the

office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn’t have received anything at

all.

3. Sorry to have missed you, but I’m at the doctor’s having my brain and

heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

4. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return

from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the

order it was received.

5. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $5.99 for

the first 10 words and $1.99 for each additional word in your message.

6. The email server is unable to verify your server connection. Your

message has not been delivered. Please restart your computer and try

sending again.

(The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see who did this

over and over and over…)

7. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system.

You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in

approximately 19 weeks.

8. Hi, I’m thinking about what you’ve just sent me. Please wait by your

PC for my response.

9. I’ve run away to join a different circus.

10. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for medicalreasons.

When I return, please refer to me as ‘Lucille’ instead of Steve.